Taco: What the hell's "M.L.A"?
Kevin: It means "Mouth Like Anus."

Next time, jerk off in your van like a gentleman.

Taco

These birthday parties are the worst. You are stuck talking to people that you have nothing in common with except that you had unprotected sex at the same time.

Kevin

I'm gonna install a safe word, so that if I ever feel uncomfortable during the game, I'm gonna say 'Fidelio,' and you guys will know what to do.

Andre

Pete: Taco, you have three girlfriends already!
Taco: I need a back-up! People die all the time! A month ago, I had four girlfriends! Rest in peace, Oksana. Goddamn that mountain lion.

Repair Guy: I don't know who teaches a dog to bark at someone's dick!
Taco: This guy does!

Gail: You really messed this up. You could have had sex with the most pathetic, insecure, desperate woman you've ever met! I would have let you put me in a cage!
Rafi: I have a cage!
Gail: Have fun in your cage--alone!

Taco: I can feel your penis on the back of my head.
Rafi: That's a war-boner, man.

Rafi: Gattaca!
Taco: I don't think he's seen that movie! He wouldn't be yelling that if he had.

The S.A.T.s are culturally biased. That's why I got high and rode a snowmobile through a mall instead of taking them.

Taco

Taco: Kevin, can I use your TV to play Sega Genesis? I just got 'Joel Madden Football,' and I'm getting good at it.
Ruxin: 'Joel Madden Football'?
Taco: Yeah, he's the drummer of Good Charlotte. I guess he just really likes football or something.

We're brothers! It's weird if I DON'T sit on your lap!

Taco

The League Quotes

Kevin: Well, Taco is rich.
Andre: Rich to Taco is like having twenty bucks and a can of Four Loko.

Taco: I want to be able to post whatever I want on DallasCowboys.com.
Jerry Jones: Post what?
Taco: Musings, pictures of shoes I like, drawings of historical figures interacting with food in unusual ways, portraits of people I know drawn from memory, sex photos.
Jerry Jones: No.