Michael: Jim, Jim!
Jim: What is it?
Michael: That is vodka and I mixed it with orange juice. I call it an orange-vod-juice...ka.
Jim: Wow, that is delicious.
Michael: Yeah.
Jim: Can't believe no one's thought of that.
Michael: I know!

Jim: I will grant you one wish.
Pam: I wish that you'd stop rubbing that lamp in that creepy way.
Jim: Stupid. Everyone knows to ask for a hundred more wishes. [Pam laughs] Dumb.

Jim: That's the Christmas spirit.
Dwight: I am simply punishing those parents that would wait till the last minute to get their child a gift. And such a genetically improbable one. Look at that. How does that happen? King has sex with a unicorn? Man with a horn has sex with a royal horse?
Jim: Yes.
Michael: Oh, hey, is that Princess Unicorn? I thought they were all sold out.
Dwight: They are now.
Michael: Cool. [sings] My horn can pierce the sky!!

Jim: Ah. You brought in your doll collection.
Dwight: These are not dolls, Jim. These are commodities. Same as gold or oil.

I am not going to judge Phyllis for desecrating Christmas. There is one person who will though, and Phyllis just stuffed him into a drawer.

Angela

Michael: Hey, Phyllis, do I need this invite to get in to the party?
Phyllis: Yes.
Michael: Awesome. I think this is going to be the best Christmas party ever.

This is the first Christmas party I am throwing as head of the party planning committee. The theme is "Nights in Morocco." This isn't your grandmother's Christmas party. Unless of course she's from Morocco, in which case it's very accurate.

Phyllis

Stanley: Eh...
Phyllis: I'm sorry. It's the largest one I have.
Stanley: I will not be the big guy in the tiny hat.

Dwight: What is this?
Jim: Happy Holidays, Dwight. But do not open it till Christmas.
Dwight: You're so pathetic. How long did this take you? Three hours?
Jim: Five minutes actually. I am a black belt in gift wrapping.
Dwight: Yeah, no such thing. They don't give out black belts for things that are stupid.

As it turns out, you can't just check someone into rehab against their will. They have to do it voluntarily. They have to hit rock bottom. So I think I know what I need to do at this point. I need to find ways to push Meredith to the bottom. I think I can do it. I did it with Jan.

Michael

Oh, I don't think it's blackmail. Angela just does what I ask her to do so I won't tell everyone that she's cheating on Andy with Dwight. I think for it to be blackmail, there would have to be a formal letter.

Phyllis

The Office Season 5 Episode 10 Quotes

When I was in college I used to get wicked hammered. My nickname was Puke. I would chug a fifth of SoCo, sneak into a frat party, polish off a few people's empties, some brewskies, some Jell-O shots, do some body shots off myself, pass out, wake up the next morning, puke, rally, more SoCo, head to class. Probably would have gotten expelled if I had let it affect my grades, but I aced all my courses. They called me Ace. It was totally awesome. Got straight Bs. They called me Buzz.

Andy

Michael: Jim, Jim!
Jim: What is it?
Michael: That is vodka and I mixed it with orange juice. I call it an orange-vod-juice...ka.
Jim: Wow, that is delicious.
Michael: Yeah.
Jim: Can't believe no one's thought of that.
Michael: I know!