The Office Season 5 Episode 11: "The Duel" Quotes
Michael: Ohh, I do not have much time... car's all the way over there, to tell you what I have to tell you. And just bear in mind when I say... say these things, that... are bad things... that you hear... in your ears... this is something that I, if I were you, that I wouldn't want to hear...
Andy: You're not making any sense.
Michael: Well... no, I'm not. So I... I'm not very articulate today, so I'll just leave it for another time. Another day.
Andy: All righty.
Michael: Which will be fine. I am off!
Michael: Dwight and Angela are having an affair. They've been sleeping together for some time. That was the news. I wanted to let you know.
Andy: What?
Michael: All right. See you later. Ahh.
Andy: Are you serious?
Michael: Yep.
Jim: This is really not how this is supposed to happen.
Dwight: Angela said she was going to tell him. She's just not ready.
Michael: When will she be ready?
Dwight: I don't know.
Michael: Is she crazy in bed?
Dwight: [boastfully] Yes.
Jim: Stop. What?
Michael: How so, specifically?
Jim: Okay, listen.
Dwight: Eager.
Jim: This shouldn't happen at work.
Dwight: And flexible.
Jim: And!
Michael: Really?
Jim: This shouldn't be coming from his boss. And we should also consider the fact that that man has an anger issue.
Michael: It's too late.
Jim: Well it's not too late, because you haven't done anything.
Michael: I am already walking.
Dwight: Michael, once this gets out... I don't know how it's going to go down.
Michael: Okay, what does that mean?
Angela: What is it?
Dwight: You've got to tell Andy about us.
Angela: That is a terrible idea. One of your worst.
Dwight: Get it over with. Then we don't have to hide anymore.
Angela: You're expanding on your worst idea.
Dwight: Do you love me or not?
Angela: I've already admitted that I do. Why do you keep making me repeat it?
Dwight: Because you're engaged to Andy.
Dwight: Rule 17: don't turn your back on bears, men you have wronged, or the dominant turkey during mating season. There are forty rules all Schrute boys must learn before the age of five. [sings] Learn your rules. You better learn your rules. If you don't, you'll be eaten in your sleep.
Angela: Kevin, you screwed this form up again. The amount owed goes at the top.
Kevin: Oh, I'm sorry. I didn't realize I was doing something wrong. If I had, I would've admitted it, and stopped right away.
Angela: That's enough.
Kevin: Because I wouldn't want an innocent person, who doesn't know anything about the form... What?
Oscar: That was good. It's just ... at the end you weren't saying something that could also apply to the form.
Kevin: How about, "I'm sorry I did such a whorish job filling out this form?"
Oscar: There you go.
Michael: [sighs] How can he still not know?
Jim: We can't figure that out.
Michael: I can't take it anymore.
Dwight: Wait, what? You can't take what?
Michael: I am telling Andy.
Dwight: No. You can't do that. It shouldn't come from you.
Michael: Who should it come from, then?
Everyone: [simultaneously] Angela.
Andy: Excuse me, everyone, can I have the floor please? Um, this is insanely awkward. It's kind of the elephant in the room, so I'll just... [sighs] No one has RSVP'ed to our wedding yet, and the deadline was yesterday.
Michael: Wait, you still don't know...
Jim: No, no. Nope.
Andy: Hmm?
Jim: Nothing.
Pam: Quick announcement: new year, new candy.
Kevin: Whoo-hoo!
Pam: Okay, be careful, Kevin. They're kind of spicy.
Kevin: Hot tamales.
Pam: Yeah.
Kevin: Uh oh.
Today's a big day. My presence has been requested by Chief Financial Officer, David Wallace. He says that he wants to talk about big picture stuff. And, I'll be honest, I have little or no idea what that means, so... probably bad.
Michael
Angela made several 911 calls about cars going too fast in front of the building, so the police put up a radar gun. It's actually caused a bit of a traffic hazard.
Pam
Andy still doesn't know that Angela's having an affair with Dwight. And it's been 17 days. I mean, eventually he'll figure it out, when their kids have giant heads and beet-stained teeth. But right now it's just... awkward.
Jim
