(to Charlie) I ignore you at my own peril when it comes to women, liquor, and venereal disease.

Alan

• Permalink: (to Charlie) I ignore you at my own peril when it comes to women...
• Added: December 28, 2009

Alan: Where did you get that?
Jake: I found it on the table.
Alan: Oh, Jake...
Jake: It's okay, I'm eating on the side without the teeth marks.
Charlie: Puberty, my ass. That's a missing chromosome.

• Permalink: Where did you get that? I found it on the table. Oh, Jake......
• Added: December 28, 2009

Cynthia: Hi, Jake, look how big you're getting.
Jake: It's called puberty.
Charlie: It's called donuts.
Jake [looking down at his crotch]: Donuts don't make hair.

• Permalink: Hi, Jake, look how big you're getting. It's called puberty. ...
• Added: December 28, 2009

Charlie: How do you feel about bushes, Herb?
Herb: Well... I like a full bush, the way God intended.
Charlie: I like them trimmed.

• Permalink: How do you feel about bushes, Herb? Well... I like a full bush...
• Added: December 28, 2009