Venture Brothers
Sundays 11:30 PM on Cartoon NetworkVenture Brothers Season 1 Episode 9: "Are You There God? It's Me, Dean" Quotes
Dean! Have you been shooting dope into your scrotum?!? You can tell me - I'm hip!
Dr. Venture
Monarch: How do you think your father knew everything about it?
Hank: Because... he's a genius super-scientist?
Monarch: I like to dream too, Hank
Dr. Venture: You just won't stop, will you? You just keep pushing my buttons.
Monarch: You're my arch-enemy. That's what I do - it's my thing!
The Guild of Calamitous Intent - which incidentally I only joined to get the full dental and partial health package - has this pretty cut and dried. I have to kill him - those are my orders
The Monarch
Billy Quizboy: You should be good as new, maybe even better - I hooked you up with the "complete package," if you know what I mean.
Dean: I don't.
Brock: Take your time, Monarch, cause the minute you finish your little speech, I'm going to kill you.
The Monarch: What are you, Obi-wan Kenobi?!? Look at you schmucks!
Dr. Venture: Hello, come in, Monarch. This is Dr. Thaddeus Venture. What is your status? Over.
Dr. Girlfriend: And who may I say is calling?
Dr. Venture: You know damn well who I am. I just said my name is Dr. Thaddeus Venture. Now put the Monarch on...
Dean: Hank, I had my pubes shaved! I'm going to put them under my pillow for the Tooth Fairy.
Hank: Did the doctor see that creepy dog-dork?
Dr. Venture: Hank, don't brag to your brother about his circumcision
Hank: I never met my grandfather. I never even met my mom.
The Monarch: Hank... what would you say if I told you that your mother was someone you've met before?
Hank: What?
The Monarch: And what if I told you that your father is not your real father? Hank... Hank! I am your real father!
Hank: No way. No way, that's not true!
The Monarch: Psych! Hahaha, you were all, "Oh, daddy, you're my daddy!" You are so gullible, what is that like?!
Henchman 24: Come on! They have one female servicing a large group of males. That implies a species that lays eggs.
Henchman 21: Oh my God, you're crazy! They're so obviously mammals!
Henchman 24: Please! She'd be in estrus 24/7 if she didn't lay eggs.
Henchman 21: Smurfs don't lay eggs! I won't tell you this again! Papa Smurf has a fucking beard! They're mammals