Hank: Hey, I had to sleep in my clothes. Now I feel gross wearing them two days in a row!
Monarch: You're kidding me, right? That's the only outfit I've never seen you in!
Hank: Well that doesn't mean I never wash it.
Monarch: Fair enough

Brock: Do you have nothing else to do but harp on Dr. Venture? Why don't you try the world domination thing. You afraid of the big leagues?
Monarch: Pleeaasse. Do I look stupid to you? World domination - I'll leave that to the religious nuts and the Republicans, thank you

Well, in a nutshell, no pun intended, your balls pulled a 180

Billy Quizboy

Henchman #24: Boss, there's a monster down here!
Henchman #21: I think it was two ninjas taped together to make one giant ninja!

Do you have to shave it? I just grew those...

Billy Quizboy: But this kind of thing should be a walk in the park.
Mr. White: A walk in the park with genitals for trees.
Billy Quizboy: And hair for grass

Monarch: I treat my captives as kings. You will be given the finest of accommodations.
Hank: Hey! Last time I was here you threw me in a stinky jail cell!
Monarch: You broke my heart, Hank...

Well it doesn't look like the Monarch needs anything. He's got a Flying Cocoon, sharp henchmen in peak physical condition. He's got it all

Brock

Monarch: And what about you?
Brock: I didn't sleep in my clothes.
Monarch: 27! Burn his sheets!

Dr. Venture: Billy, fess up to the boy. He's been pulling that "boy genius" crap for at least the twenty years that I've known him.
Billy Quizboy: Well, nobody's really impressed with "Master Billy Quizboy, Adult Genius."
Dr. Venture: Like a speech impediment and growth hormone deficiency qualifies you as a "boy genius."
Mr. White: Don't forget the huge head.
Billy Quizboy: I copped to it - now you guys are ganging up on it

Monarch Henchman #3: Someone got him Brock Samson? Now I feel like a tool.
Monarch Henchman #4: What'd you get him?
Monarch Henchman #3: I made him coupons for one free washing of the Monarch Mobile and one free backrub.
Monarch Henchman #4: Aren't those your jobs anyway?
Monarch Henchman #3: Yeah, but... these are coupons

Dean: My... no-nos hurt!
Monarch: What the hell are "no-nos."
Dr. Venture: That's the super-adult term my teenage sons use to refer to their genitals. In public. In front of their father

Venture Brothers Season 1 Episode 9 Quotes

Hank: I never met my grandfather. I never even met my mom.
The Monarch: Hank... what would you say if I told you that your mother was someone you've met before?
Hank: What?
The Monarch: And what if I told you that your father is not your real father? Hank... Hank! I am your real father!
Hank: No way. No way, that's not true!
The Monarch: Psych! Hahaha, you were all, "Oh, daddy, you're my daddy!" You are so gullible, what is that like?!

Henchman 24: Come on! They have one female servicing a large group of males. That implies a species that lays eggs.
Henchman 21: Oh my God, you're crazy! They're so obviously mammals!
Henchman 24: Please! She'd be in estrus 24/7 if she didn't lay eggs.
Henchman 21: Smurfs don't lay eggs! I won't tell you this again! Papa Smurf has a fucking beard! They're mammals