Bertram: That's your excuse to steal? To impress a bunch of snobs?
Alma: Bertram, if you will help me through this very trying day, I promise I will stop complaining about all those people you killed. Think about it. From this moment on, we'll be even.
Bertram: What a lovely vase.

• Permalink: What a lovely vase.
• Added: June 16, 2021

Scooter: You're still trying to get me in bed with Carlo's daughter?
Rita: If you can pretend to be interested in a fat girl, you can fake a bit of passion for a middle-aged woman.
Scooter: I never faked it with you, baby!

• Permalink: I never faked it with you, baby!
• Added: June 16, 2021

Scooter: But I'm an actor, not a whore!
Rita: Scooter, I've seen your acting. I wouldn't be so quick to rule out a more viable career.

• Permalink: Scooter, I've seen your acting. I wouldn't be so quick to rule out a more viable career.
• Added: June 16, 2021

Bertram: Why do you want to join a club you can only get into by pretending to be someone you're not?
Alma: This painting may not be who I am, but it's who I yearn to be! It's a healthier dream than some I could mention.

• Permalink: This painting may not be who I am, but it's who I yearn to be! It's a healthier dream than...
• Added: June 16, 2021

Vern: I'm sorry, but I can't be bought.
Rita: Please. Everyone has a price.
Vern: So how much did Mr. Castillo pay for you?
Rita: I beg your pardon?
Vern: It's obvious. You never loved him. You only married him cause you knew he'd buy you pretty things. But that didn't fill up that hole in your soul, so you got yourself a gigolo, fooled yourself into thinking that he loved you. Now you know he didn't, so you're starting to panic cause you finally learned that the real thing ain't for sale. The guys who might have loved you back in the day are now only interested in fresher produce.
Rita: You can't speak to me that way! No one speaks to me that way!
Vern: Well, then no one's been telling you the truth.

• Permalink: Well, then no one's been telling you the truth.
• Added: June 16, 2021

Alma: Bertram, they're here. Put the kettle on, and get your jacket.
Bertram: You weren't this nervous when the police showed up.
Alma: There's not a cop alive that scares me as much as Rita Castillo does.

• Permalink: There's not a cop alive that scares me as much as Rita Castillo does.
• Added: June 16, 2021

Speaking of nails, how do you ladies keep your hands so lovely and tend to your gardens? Mine are just a fright from all the weeding and thorns. [the ladies burst into giggles]

Alma

• Permalink: Speaking of nails, how do you ladies keep your hands so lovely and tend to your gardens? Mine...
• Added: June 16, 2021