Sarah Michelle Gellar Quotes
Xander: I mean, sure, he says he's a high school student, but I can say I'm a high school student.
Buffy: You are.
Xander: Okay, but I can also say that I'm an elderly Dutch woman. Get me? I mean, who's to say I'm not if I'm in the elderly Dutch chat room?
Buffy: I get your point. I get your point! Oh, this guy could be anybody. He could be weird, or crazy, or old or...he could be a circus freak. He's probably a circus freak!
Xander: Yeah, I mean, we read about it all the time. You know, people meet on the net, they talk, they get together, have dinner, a show. Horrible ax murder.
Buffy: Willow...ax murdered by a circus freak. Okay...okay, what do we do? What are we doing? Xander! You get me started. We’re totally overreacting.
Xander: But that’s fun, isn’t it?
Willow: His name is Malcolm Black. He’s 18, lives in Elmwood, which is about 80 miles from here, and he likes me.
Buffy: Short? Tall? Skinny? Fat?
Willow: Why does everything have to be about looks?
Buffy: Not everything, but some stuff is. I mean, what if you guys get really really intense and then you find out that he...has...a hairy back?!
Willow: Well, no. He doesn’t talk like somebody who would have a hairy back. And anyway, that stuff doesn’t matter when you really care about each other. Maybe I’m not his ideal either?
Buffy: Hey, I’m just trying to make sure that he’s good enough for you. I think it’s great you met someone.
Darla: Do you know what the saddest thing in the world is?
Buffy: Bad hair on top of that outfit?
Darla: To love someone who used to love you.
Buffy: You guys were involved?
Darla: For several generations.
Buffy: Well, you’ve been around since Columbus, you are bound to pile up a few exes. You’re older than him, right? Between us girls, you’re looking a little worn around the eyes.
Darla: I made him.
Buffy: Angel?
Angel: Hmm?
Buffy: Do you snore?
Angel: I don't know. It's been a long time since anybody's been in a position to let me know.
Giles: Xander's taken to teasing the less fortunate?
Buffy: Uh-huh.
Giles: And, uh, there's a noticeable change in both clothing and demeanor?
Buffy: Yes.
Giles: And, well, otherwise, all his spare time's spent lounging about with imbeciles?
Buffy: It's bad, isn't it?
Giles: It's devastating. He's turned into a sixteen-year-old boy. Of course, you'll have to kill him.
Buffy: They didn't hurt him, did they?
Giles: They...uh...ate him.
[Willow sits down]
Buffy: They ate Principal Flutie?
Willow: Ate him up?
Giles: The official theory wild dogs got into his office, somehow. There was no one on the scene.
Willow: You missed it!
Buffy: Missed what?
Xander: We just saw the zebras mating. Thank you, very exciting.
Willow: It was like the Heimlich...with stripes!
Buffy: And I missed it. And yet somehow I’ll find the courage to move on.
Cordelia: Owen! Look at you here, all alone.
Owen: Cordelia, I’m here with Buffy.
Cordelia: Oh, okay. You want to dance?
Owen: No...I’m still here with Buffy.
Cordelia: You are so good to help the needy.
Buffy: Cordelia, Owen and I would like to be alone right now. And for that to happen, you would have to go somewhere that’s away.
[Buffy pulls Owen in closer to dance]
Cordelia: Well, when you’re ready for the big leagues, let me know.
Buffy: This is the ‘90s. The 1990s in point and fact, and I can do both! Clark Kent has a job. I just want to go on a date.
Giles: Well, I suppose it was a fairly slim lead.
Buffy: Thank you, thank you, thank you! And look, I won’t go far, okay. If the apocalypse comes, beep me.
Xander: So you just went home?
Buffy: What was I supposed to do, say to Owen, “Sorry I was late. I was sitting in a cemetery with a librarian waiting for a vampire to rise so I could prevent an evil prophecy from coming to pass?”
Xander: Or...flat tire?!
Giles: But I assume I don’t have to warn you about the hazards of becoming personally involved with someone who’s unaware of your unique condition?
Buffy: Yeah, yeah. I read the back of the box.
Giles: If your identity as a Slayer is revealed, it could put you and all those around you in grave danger.
Buffy: Well, in that case, I won’t wear my button that says, “I’m a Slayer. Ask me how.”
Buffy: That was Owen.
Giles: Yes, I remember.
Buffy: Do you have any more copies on Emily Dickinson?! I need one.
Giles: Buffy, while the fact that you want to check out a book would be grounds for a national holiday, I think would we should focus on the problem at hand.
Buffy: Right. I’m sorry, you’re right. Vampires...
[She looks down]
Buffy: Does this outfit make me look fat?
[Giles is shocked]
