An episode of The Bachelor as painfully boring as last night's was from start to finish offers us little by the way of funny critiques, or any sort of critiques for that matter.
Nevertheless, we'll give it a shot. That is how we roll.
If you missed it and want the full rundown, here's our recap of Week Four of the show's 14th season. Below, we've got the highlights (term used loosely) with our take:
Normally The Bachelor star grows on us by now. Not so for Jake.
Screaming. A Bachelor staple. Normal girls do not act like this ... right?
Awkwardness. Seriously, Jake. Pull it together. Have some fun, you uptight stiff! Stop reading the cue cards and at least enjoy that airheads are throwing themselves at you.
Ganging up. This week's (and last week's) manufactured drama is that Vienna is Satan and needs to die a painful death (or at least pack her bags this week). The girls have such disproportionate hatred toward her, it's hard not to laugh at how fake it is.
He is so serious. Jake Pavelka, unlike past Bachelor stars, really wants to find a wife. This is drilled into our brains at every conceivable moment. The evidence? Dude wants to eliminate MORE than the required number of girls this week - and he does!
Roses: Gia, Corrie, Tenley, Ali and Vienna. Eliminated: Ella, Kathryn, Ashleigh and Jessie.