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The Tuesday A.M. Gossip Girl Plus-Minus Index

by at . Comments

Te Gossip Girl +/- index from New York Magazine is never to be missed the morning after the show. With a unique, New York-based take on the episode, this Tuesday column tradition has developed into a must-read, never ceasing to amuse, inform and more.

Some highlights from their take on "The Empire Strikes Jack" ...

  • Of course Rufus, like the complete idiot he is, would think it was a great idea that his son is dating his best and only friend. Plus 1.
  • Okay, wait, why is Eleanor already offering Jenny a "permanent position" with Waldorf Designs? She's still in high school! Minus 3.
  • DOROTA! PREGNANT! Plus 10!
Ed and Laura Harring
  • Elizabeth wouldn’t exile Chuck from the hotel immediately. That’s just sloppy. And Jack wouldn’t rush it, either ... no public humiliation? Minus 5.
  • We love how when they’re in the van der Woodsen-Bass apartment, they have expensive Belgian-style waffles as opposed to frozen ones. Plus 2.
  • Those guys were too sober to take in a teenage girl who was so obviously drunk. Nobody wants to get barfed on that early in the night. Minus 3.
  • Plus 10 for correctly indicating that the main way economic downturns affect the rich (Eleanor) is by providing them the opportunity to get richer.
  • Please, Eleanor Waldorf would invent a new name for her designs for teens. Everyone does that! It’d be like, E-dubs or W-2 ... or BLAIR. Minus 5.
  • Serena's idea that Vanessa set up "a date night inspired by his favorite film" is the worst idea in the world. No teenage or post-teenage dude would be into that, unless the film in question is Deep Inside Jenna, and we assume Serena would know that. So did she tell Vanessa that in order to sabotage her? If so, Plus 4 for this subtle reveal of Serena's diabolical, evil Alpha Girl personality, which we haven't seen in ages.

Steve Marsi is the Managing Editor of TV Fanatic. Follow him on Google+ or email him here.

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@Kate. This is entertainment. It is entertaining to hear Blair use the Palin line. Second, there are some wealthy liberals, especially younger folks. Finally, you need to take your "political position" less seriously. We all need to learn to lighten up and be able to laugh at ourselves sometimes.

M

oh and Vanessa taking relationship advice from Serena? minus 10! because V is supposed to be smarter than that. Blair being Blair. Plus 100, because I missed that SO much!

M

is it only me or does elisabeth/evelyn look kinda pregnant? maybe she is carrying out a little bassterd? would be a reason for leaving all of a sudden though she is "so in love" with jack and all that...
just a theory..

Jordan

And in response to Kate, I agree with you. I think these characters, coming from privilege and money, would be Conservatives. That's not to say that Democrats can't come from money, or don't, but it is a little hard to see any of these characters voting for Obama, much less caring for Democratic issues. Maybe Vanessa's mother...oh, I forgot, she'd probably be a nonconformist.

Jordan

Vanessa would not own a strand of pearls, let alone matching earrings, and hideous gloves, no matter how kinky she was trying to be. Minus 1. Jenny wouldn't apologize to Agnes, the crazy bitch that torched her entire collection, got her into trouble, and abandoned her. Minus 4. (And later, she wouldn't take a drink from the girl that brought her the drugs earlier. Minus 1.) And when it came time for it to be the other way around, it was kind of half hearted (not that I'd expect any different from Agnes). Hasn't Little J learned ANYTHING from Blair? She's still so naive. It makes me want to yak. I really thought Jenny was smarter than to believe Agnes' false bravado. She'd never in a million years take Agnes back as a friend after all the shiz that went down. End rant. Aw shit, you know what? Minus 20. But I hope she sticks around, regardless. Because I love the character so much... And while we're on the subject? Willa Holland is fucking brilliant. ("Nah, let's put her to bed early." Oh SNAP. REAL acting? REALly decent acting? Plus 5!) Plus 10 for her return. Here's an evil, vindictive bitch that actually WORKS, unlike Georgina, who just gets on my nerves. Agnes is actually certifiably insane, and I love her. Since when did Chuck become so trusting and warm? Who IS this guy? I don't even know how he can hold his head up these days. Back when he was a total sleaze, at least he had FUN. He never took himself so seriously. Minus 5. Can we see him in something other than a suit and tie? He's not 40! That's not to say Ed Westwick doesn't bring me to TEARS (not easy), and that he isn't my favorite anymore. I love Chuck Bass. I love the character and the way he is portrayed. And I didn't mind him smiling at Elizabeth last week, that warmed my heart, but I don't think I can stand this storyline ending abruptly... or being dragged out. I don't like that we're being toyed with, what's Elizabeth's deal, is she or isn't she Chuck's mother? And at this point, do we really care? It's getting old. Time for new developments. Hotel takeover and Jack? C'mon. Everyone knew something was about to go down, everyone but the smartest characters on the show. What happened to my Chuck and Blair?! Minus 10. But plus 5 for yet another tear jerking performance from Ed. I just wish it would have lasted longer. Does anyone even go to school anymore? Or are all of our characters just hanging around Manhattan with nothing to do but meddle and plot in each others lives all day? I know school was never a huge part of the show, but the fact remains that these aren't adults, no matter how many purple ties Chuck may own. Minus 2. I did NOT see it coming when Blair zinged the CEO of those department stores ("Where Bristol PALIN shops?" Classic. Offensive? Maybe. But that's Blair. Plus 3.) and totally blackmailed him with the whole gay escort thing. Usually, this show has become so incredibly predictable, but I was actually thrown for a change. I threw up my hands and cheered for Blair, because that girl, that plotting, intelligent, kind of evil but love to hate her girl, is STILL IN THERE. We need to see her doing more things like this. But mind you, NOT over the top. And not as filler, either. (*Cough cough Serena *cough) Plus 10. One clique shows up at Eleanor's show from Columbia, proclaiming they read Gossip Girl, and all of a sudden Blair is enamored with Columbia? Doesn't Nate go to Columbia? You'd think she would have thought of this while she was applying to schools, or go to him for advice? Whatever. Minus 2. Warm moment between Blair and Eleanor backstage was so great, even if the dialogue was cheesy. Plus 1. Kind of upsetting that she went to all that trouble to save her mother's line, and she didn't even end up closing the deal, after all. But yeah, no one would notice Agnes drugging the models? Minus 2. Other notable returns: Eleanor and DOROTA ("Baby beat Dorota's stomach like Lars from Metallica..." hahahahaha. Dorota rocking out to Metallica? Just that image alone deserves a plus 10.) These characters are great and need to be around much more often. Plus 10! Jenny: "I was dating this guy... he's a dealer..." Agnes: "Cool!" Plus 2. "I missed you, bitch!" Plus 1. "...The smell of fresh pleats wafting through the city..." Plus 1. Great quotes all around this evening. But Gossip Girl's "Someone call the Fashion Police." Argh. Lame. Minus 1.

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i mean chuck the character...if chuck was real he would be financially conservative because the wealthy prefer to keep their hard earned dollars. capitalism is the american ideal, after all. i'm sure it would be for chuck especially, because bart was a self made man.

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minus 5 for blair's bristol palin comment. bristol dressed quite similiar to blair on the campaign trail and wore many of the same labels as blair. i think the writers have a stupid liberal agenda and it's getting OLD. especially after the christian conservative remark last week. now if you want to get real, chuck would be financially conservative in real life because i seriously doubt that he wants to pay more taxes so that these layabouts can sit on their arses and have free health care. writers: i pay money to download the episodes of gossip girl for an escape from the real world. i do not pay money to have my political position insulted. it takes away from the story and isn't funny.

Postergirl

so what jenny's still in high school!? she's above 16 and CAN get a permanent position.
and c'mon....its alright..let them be sloppy...who wants to see chuck in more remorse that he already is in.
and eleanor didnt want to invent a new name..its her choice besides if she hadnt...how would she have given that important message to blair about being who you are and fitting in

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Can I suggest another "minus thing"? why jenny is so freaked out about working with Eleanor? hasn't she designed her wedding suit last season? so it should be ok now

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Yes, the whole stealing of the Empire would have been a little better if it was more subtle and drawn out over a few episodes. It would have been way more dramatic, but I guess they only have so many episodes. Chuck needs Lily to help him with Jack. She is the only one up to Jack's level of scheming--the kids aren't cutting it this time around.

Gossip Girl Quotes

And who am I? That's one secret I'll never tell ... You know you love me. XOXO, Gossip Girl

Gossip Girl

[to Jenny] That's the thing. You need to be cool to be queen. Anne Boleyn thought only with her heart and she got her head chopped off. So her daughter Elizabeth made a vow never to marry a man. She married a country. Forget boys. Keep your eye on the prize, Jenny Humphrey. You can't make people love you, but you can make them fear you. For what it's worth, you're my Queen. I choose you.

Blair