Gossip Girl Reality Index: The Morning After

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Last night's Gossip Girl, "The Witches of Bushwick," featured a plot so complex, as our official review notes, it was hard to believe at times (entertaining as it was)

To that end, it's time one of our favorite pieces of Gossip Girl coverage, N.Y. Magazine's patented reality index. Excerpts from their take on Monday's episode:

A Serena Smile
  • Serena: “You seriously expect me to make this monumental decision with colored pencils and graph paper?” Plus 10 because she's totally right, the graph paper bit seems really beyond her evaluative capabilities.
  • Where does Nate’s mom get off being so judgey? She's married to a Ponzi schemer who’s in JAIL. Minus 4.
  • Juliet's delivery of “I just like visual aids” had precisely the right amount of psycho to it. She clearly had that line handy for when Jenny saw her wall and came to the obvious conclusion that she was dealing with a serial killer. Plus 1.
  • Nate to Chuck: “Relax, man, girls know that when a guy says that during it doesn’t mean ‘I love you,’ it means ‘I love having sex with you.’” Plus 10 for Nate believing that is true, and for saying it out loud.
  • Plus 2 for Dorota appearing one second after being called, proving again that she spends most of her time eavesdropping on Chuck and Blair having sex.
  • Cinderena? Oh dear. Minus 1.
  • Lily’s face as she confronts Serena about Page Six is practically gleeful. Plus 2.
  • There wouldn't be "paparazzi at the campus gates," just because a teenager was once spotted Frenching a teacher ... unless maybe the teen was Justin Bieber and the teacher was Tim Gunn. Minus only 1.
  • Chuck and Blair will do anything for each other, and then just drop it all after some bitchy, hypocritical speech by a woman who herself is married to a convicted felon? This just makes no sense at all. Minus 10.

Steve Marsi is the Managing Editor of TV Fanatic. Follow him on Google+ or email him here.


I think it's important to know that Anne wasn't speaking for herself when she referred to Blair's messy relationship with Chuck. She meant for the campaign. And besides, she wouldn't be the only one on Gossip Girl who has judged and had scandals going on...


that would not have worked I mean*


I agree that the switching phone/sim card thing made no sense. I just would not have worked like that irl.


Chuck and Blair will do anything for each other, and then just drop it all after some bitchy, hypocritical speech by a woman who herself is married to a convicted felon? This just makes no sense at all. Minus 10. i dont agree with this. there is a much bigger picture than Anne Archibald convincing them to break up.
I think it is beyond amazing that they will do anything for each other but setting the other free so that they can individually mature and be fully deserving of the other is more than love. it's love with respect and understanding.
Anne was not the one who caused the break up. it was the contributing factors behind it. and that for me deserves a plus!


I love how Serena can't recieve text messages from Nate, Dan, Blair or Eric. But she can get GossipGirl blasts on her phone. And if she is so popular, don't you think she'd realize she got no texts that day. AND GossipGirl promotes Verizon, and i have a Verizon phone, the SIM cards like aren't removable.. and even if they were, Jenny just happens to have one on the spot?


About the last point of reality, I don't think Anne was the reason that Blair left Chuck. I think she was disturbed by the fact that KC called her "Chuck Bass's girlfriend." I mean, this is Blair freakin' Waldorf. There is no way she will stand to just be known as "Chuck Bass's girlfriend." She has to make a name for herself before she and Chuck can be together, and be equals in the public eye.

Kimberly anne

This episode was great. Gossip Girl's season four is getting better and better.
I thought the venn diagram was really cute and I like that it was constantly being refered back to, but I would think an UES teenager and his boyfriend would have something better to do than to sketch out his sister's love life. So it was a bit too corny for me.
I find it every unrealistic that Dan and Nate are still closely bonded in the episode as before. They had more scenes together this time than ever. Yes they were both fighting for Serena but it was as if they had fun doing it together or something. And why would you give away your plans with her to your opponent. How dense can these two be?
I can't stop giggling at the fact that Serena was completely clueless about all that was happening in the episode. I mean, almost every single olotline refered to her and she had no idea on 90% of them. The ending I thought was a little over-dramatic. I think now is a really good time to find out what Juliet and Ben are up too. Its clear Serena did something really bad to ruin them, so lets find out rather than expose it in the very end when the plotline is no longer interesting but we have been dealing with it since the beginning of the season.
I think Vanessa was completely out of character and Jenny too. Yes both were complete bitches who deserves to be run over, but they really did had no right to scheme against Serena. Dan and Nate are already friends again with Vanessa, which was what I though was the main issue why Vanessa hated Serena. Therefore, if they have forgive and forget what she did, Vanessa didn't really have t ruin her acedemic career. Sure break her up with Dan and Nate but taking away Columbia is a bit harsh for her character. And Jenny too. Why was she doing this again? She was only there to plan out the scheme, there was no internal purposes for her. And what suck was that she didn't even get caught for it. Who comes back in the middle of the school year to plot? The show is giving her way too much credit for her wit.
I love Dorota!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!! I love when she said, "'Blurter" Hahaha. She is so on Team Chair. Her accent is too cute.
Chuck and Blair were the best part of the episode just like every other. I love them more in this one than the last because this time, we actually see them in action for once. The show should always do it like that. I liked the way Chuck said, "I love you" in the promo better than how he actually said it in the episode. I didn't even think he pronounced all three words. But besides that, it was a great scene. My top four scenes definitely was this one, the beginning of themin her room, the last one of them and when they were on the balcony. Them on the balcony was awesome. I just couldn't stop smiling. It was not overdone in any way. I love it!The last scene though was truly epic. Chuck and Blair managed to say all that we, Chair Fans, know is the thruth, that they are meant to be and in the right time, they will be together forever. I officailly love Chuck again. Nothing sadden me more than knowing Chuck and Blair will not be hookin gup anytime soon, but I like the way this ended. There was definitely closure. And like they said, they will wait for one another. So it of ocurse will no be the last time. Their relationship is not destoy at all but rather beginning to rebuilt itself, starting with Blair. Chair Forever.


I actually kinda understand the anne thing, maybe because she did sort of offer the whole 'be the new face of Girls inc.' right awayish it shows she likes blair and was willing to forgive her past because she's been forgiven hers (being with druggie jailbird) and she wishes Blair would cut ties with her other half like she (anne) has. Just an idea.


How about: Serena puts the dumb mask on to leave the party, when she is clearly annoyed and trying to prove she was not the masked kisser minus 100. She can be dumb, but that was just plain bad writing, they could have least put something in her drink.


Did anyone else see how Casey basically said "you being good and monogamist" gives the hotel a bad name while Chuck is with Blair, but this was never mentioned when he went all "publicly good" while with Eva?


Gossip Girl Quotes

And who am I? That's one secret I'll never tell ... You know you love me. XOXO, Gossip Girl

Gossip Girl

[to Jenny] That's the thing. You need to be cool to be queen. Anne Boleyn thought only with her heart and she got her head chopped off. So her daughter Elizabeth made a vow never to marry a man. She married a country. Forget boys. Keep your eye on the prize, Jenny Humphrey. You can't make people love you, but you can make them fear you. For what it's worth, you're my Queen. I choose you.