The Bachelorette

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The Bachelorette Review: Men Tell All, Kalon Gets SERVED!

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As a former Bachelor contestant and the first-ever winner of Bachelor Pad, Natalie Getz brings a unique perspective to her weekly TV Fanatic reviews.

Where does she stand on the Men Tell All special? It's her "favorite episode of the season," Natalie says, because:

"It's here where we get to see these guys after they have watched themselves on TV, and it's so obvious through their facial expressions that they think they are famous. VOMIT!"

In this case, the claws came out quickly, as we started off with some never before seen footage. Read on for Natalie's quote-based, pre-finale rundown...

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Y'all I just spilled on my dress! And I said the F word in front of my date. I'm supposed to be a lady. - Emily on her date with Joe in footage where she spilled on the gown, which she claims was her favorite.

She is a beauty. -Arie's little Bieber Brothers were spying on Emily and Aries kiss as they couldn't control their innocent entrance to manhood.

Next, the guys are introduced and the fighting begins. And, yes, Ryan still has his awkwardly shaved beard, as if he is trying to prove a point from all the insults he got after originally designing it this way. I'm not personally offended by much, he says. 

Ryan is still very arrogant.

Emily Maynard for The Bachelorette

Almost everything you said was completely disrespectful.  - Charlie was shown saying one thing this entire episode, and it was directed to a deserving Kalon.

Kalon enters the hot seat where he takes a lot of heat from not only the guys, but Chris Harrison as well, who asks: When you watched the episode, did you think, wow....I can't believe I said that?"

"No.  I don't think I was offensive," Kalon somehow responds. How is Kalon going to apologize and then take it back? He is all over the place! 

If you were a real man, you wouldn't have come on the show knowing that you don't like kids and that Emily has a daughter.  Then you refer to her as baggage?  - Tony (P.S. I totally agree.)

Kalon should have backed out once he knew The Bachelorette was going to be Emily.  He openly stated in the hot seat that he doesn't want to be a step dad, but went on the show anyway, because he didn't want to look like a coward backing out. This makes no sense to me! 

This guy is an idiot whose only concern was being on TV! Trust me, I know this for sure. He told that to a few of my Bachelor Pad 3 pals in secrecy.  Unlucky for Kalon, you can't trust anyone in this franchise with a secret. HA HA HA!

It's never OK to call a child baggage. Kids can't help but be here. They're here just going, can someone take care of me?  - Doug is simply a good dude. He needs to have his own show on Oxygen or Lifetime.

Ryan then takes the hot seat and I can barely contain myself from wanting to fast forward through. It's like viewing the bad auditions of American Idol. After seeing a montage of himself throughout the entire season which basically just makes fun of him, he still has that smile on his face that says, "My God, I'm so good looking and full of worldly gifts."

There is no doubt that I am very confident in me, but I am also very confident in who God has made me to be.  There were times in life where I lacked confidence and it caused me to be not as good at football.  - Ryan is still defending himself after acting like such a conceded prick. The fact that he relates everything back to sports makes me think he must have been great at Geology in college (aka rocks for jocks).

You told Arie that you guys would be the final two guys and that you wanted to be #2 so that you could be the next bachelor.  - Chris calls out Ryan on wanting to be the next bachelor more than Emily's fiance.

I just want to speak for ABC and put every one's mind at ease... NOT GONNA HAPPEN. - Harrison in regard to Ryan ever being the next star.  I laughed pretty hard at this!  Harrison is hilarious and we rarely get to see that because most of him lines are scripted except for at the Tell Alls.

We then get to see an emotion Chris in the hot seat. He basically states he has zero regrets and wishes Emily the best. I find Chris to be the most attractive guy on the show. He also has an adorable personality

What I felt for Emily comes around once in a lifetime.  I'd do anything in the world for that again. We are here today and we could be gone tomorrow."  - Chris doesn't take back anything in regards to his relationship and experience with Emily.

I've lost a couple friends along the way, and that's why what I say...I mean it.  I may not have the chance tomorrow. - Chris is mature beyond his age of 25 due to life experiences. He has delt with loss in his life and that has shaped him into the man he is today.

Sean is the final guy to take the hot seat. In a nut shell, he is still healing over his first ever heart break caused by Emily. He is happy he has his family and now lives in Kinsington's playhouse in order to live extra close to home. 

I fell in love with this girl. I fell in love with her for a number of reasons. She is an amazing person. And that's not going to fade overnight. I wish it would.  I miss her, no doubt about it. - Sean's response to Harrison asking if he still had feelings for Emily.

Emily has finally arrived to face all her ex boyfriends! She apologizes to some, and mentally ruins a few who truly deserved it. Might I add, she looked stunning in a fierce, cherry red cocktail dress. Her hair was straightened to perfection and not done like an old lady for once! When Emily does her own hair and makeup and dresses herself, she looks five million times better! If that's even possible! She is a stunner.

Watching your last episode, I cried an ugly cry for a very long time.  I mean, what girl wouldn't want Sean? - Emily

You really, truly, made me believe in love again. - Chris to Emily

I've literally never had my first kiss during a breakup. - Emily and Doug share a laugh over their awkward breakup/first kiss. Doug was such a good sport about it!

I had a huge regret after leaving London. I wish I would have given you the group date rose. - Emily realized after clearing her head, she should have given Doug the date rose in London for informing her of the evil Kalon and his comments about her daughter being baggage. 

I could be engaged to Kalon! Thank God for Doug! - Emily

Do you really think that would have been an option? - Chris asking Emily if she would have married Kalon even if he wasn't a jerk. "NO" was Emily's response, HAHA!

Well, you my dear must be a politician, because that's the biggest load of bull shit I've ever heard.  - Emily is not buying into Kalon's apology. She even called him out on tweeting a photo of baggage only a few days ago that stated: "I'm by the baggage, where is Emily?" She literally tore him apart in such a fun way to watch! Ahhhh I just love Emily! 

I just hope that you find faith in something bigger than your Prada shoes and your rented helicopter."  Emily is quick witted with the lines tonight!

"How many of these guys do you think you will actually sleep with?" asks in the blooper reel. Emily's reply? "Hopefully all 25.  That would be a success."

I hope you all enjoyed this episode as much as I did! Who do you think Emily is going to pick? Who do you want her to pick? Who were you most excited to see back?  Remember, Bachelorette spoilers are not always right. 

The season finale will be LIVE this Sunday, not Monday! Bachelor Pad will be premiering this Monday. See you all next week!

Review

Editor Rating: 4.5 / 5.0
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User Rating:

Rating: 3.7 / 5.0 (9 Votes)
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The divorced guy and most of the rest have no sense of humor. That's the problem around there. I don't think he use big words at all either. He has a southern accent. All ppl. The ones who are 18-year-old shopkeepers, waitresses (aspiring models), bartenders fresh out of high school talk like that.

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Emily is a typical soccer mom slut who thinks K-len is a pretty boy and would be judged by looks like her. She liked him more than he did her since week 2. She kinda hoped he was nicer to her so she could fuck him.
P.S. Helicopter isn't his idea. He owns one but producers get him the other one right on the spot. Chopper, electric car, skateboard, parachute, walk, boat - any kind of transportation, he couldn't care less. He was late banging some girl before coming there about 40 minutes. So fair enough… Gays would hate on him. Maybe they were right his sticking around is not for Emily. Ryan stuck around. Arie stuck around. Brad MoWack stuck around with Jenni, DD, Chantel wasting their time. A bunch of girls stuck around... Poor K-len though… that he got the title "Biggest Douche" like that.
P.P.S. And the ppl who make Emily cringe are all those 4 piloting haters

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Yeah K-len has a disorder about apologizing and taking words back. It's like a code to him.
But in a nutshell, he wasn't attracted to Emily and was ready to go home since week 3. The producers held him back to stick around so Emily the target would look attractive, not having a bunch of guys quitting the show especially not for the "you're not my type." kind of reason. Though I kind of wish he would still do that, not saving the girl's face, not hoping to see something nice in her no more. Look at the bitches who bashed K-len in the house, a drama queen, a gay guy, a pussy, a weirdo clown. (Doug, Stevie, Chris, Joe) K-len is self-centered, okay. He had been bedding over 200 women for the past 26 years. Surely he had dumped and duped and cheated and lied.. So he's not gonna be interested in the same girl who he hasn't seen or talked to for like a week. His cock is turned off and he's not excited to see Emily. Emily is not like Jillian. Emily is a typical soccer mom slut who thinks K-len is a pretty boy and would be judged by looks like her. She liked him more than he did her since week 2. She kinda hoped he was nicer to her so she could fuck him.
P.S. Helicopter isn't his idea. He owns one but producers get him the other one right on the spot. Chopper, electric car, skateboard, parachute, walk, boat - any kind of transportation, he couldn't care less. He was late banging some girl before coming there about 40 minutes. So fair enough… Gays would hate on him. Maybe they were right his sticking around is not for Emily. Ryan stuck around. Arie stuck around. Brad MoWack stuck around with Jenni, DD, Chantel wasting their time. A bunch of girls stuck around... Poor K-len though… that he got the title "Biggest Douche" like that.

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Yeah K-len has a disorder about apologizing and taking words back. It's like a code to him.
But in a nutshell, he wasn't attracted to Emily and was ready to go home since week 3. The producers held him back to stick around so Emily the target would look attractive, not having a bunch of guys quitting the show especially not for the "you're not my type." kind of reason. Though I kind of wish he would still do that, not saving the girl's face, not hoping to see something nice in her no more. Look at the bitches who bashed K-len in the house, a drama queen, a gay guy, a pussy, a weirdo clown. (Doug, Stevie, Chris, Joe) K-len is self-centered, okay. It's been his mentality since high school. He had been bedding over 200 women for the past 26 years. Surely he had dumped and duped and cheated and lied.. So he's not gonna be interested in the same girl who he hasn't seen or talked to for like a week. His cock is turned off and he's not excited to see Emily. Emily is not like Jillian. Emily is a typical soccer mom slut who thinks K-len is a pretty boy and would be judged by looks like her. She liked him more than he did her since week 2. She kinda hoped he was nicer to her so she could fuck him.
P.S. The helicopter isn't his idea.

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guest22333 I know, these kill me. I appreciate her perspective, but knowing she's not a staff writer, the least they could do is give her an editor. Conceited vs conceded was one of like ten - so distracting :(. A good review on the topic though.

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I am disappointed that Ryann will not be a bachelor for a season. I think it would be entertaining and no doubt, there is a woman out there.

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It's "conceited" not "conceded." Good grief.