The Best Schmidt
Schmidt and his cousin battle over who is the best Schmidt on New Girl. "Parents" is the eighth episode of the show's second season.

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New Girl Season 2 Episode 8 Quotes

Jess: I just want to warn you guys that my mom's a little bit perky.
Winston: Wait, you think she's perky?
Jess: Well, she doesn't have my dark side. I got that from my dad.

Bob: No, no, no. It was my mistake. I'll wait five hours and come back when Joan's shift is up.
Joan: Bob, just stay! What if we need something ruined?
Jess: Mom!
Bob: It's all right. I'll spend my holiday at a Los Angeles coffee shop, sitting around with people who have nothing better to do on Thanksgiving than work on their screenplay. I probably won't want to blow my head off.