Tuesdays 9:00 PM on FOX
New-girl

New Girl quotes are the funnest part of the show. It's pretty incredible how many hilarious lines they come up with week in and week out, so we suggest browing through New Girl quotes on a regular basis. For your funny bone's sake.

Sponges make me feel exhilarated.

Nick

Officer, can I read you your rights? You have the right to remain hugged. And you have the right to remain sweet.

Coach

Jess: Are you insane, Schmidt? I'm not ready. That's like taking a musical from rehearsal straight to Broadway. You gotta workshop it first!
Schmidt: If you are for one second suggesting that I don't know how to open a musical, how dare you!

The point of dating is just... to keep on dating and then never stop—like burning fossil fuels or seeing a therapist.

Schmidt

Do you just walk around all day thinking about other people's feelings? How do you get anything done?

Schmidt

Over the next 1,000 minutes, your notions of dating will be challenged. ... If you're saying things like 'Dreamy Eyes' to my face, then we have more work to do than the Kings of Leon. Good band, but it feels like they are stuck in one place musically.

Schmidt

If pot were a piano, Nick would be a 9-year-old Chinese girl.

Schmidt

Now, I'm gonna go do a deep-ass mouthwash.

Schmidt

He looked nice in the picture! The frame cut off the bottom of his beard, so how was I to know it was braided into a beardy-tail? He asked me to the food court near his house; I thought that was down-to-earth, and I like that. He didn't bring any money, so we had to go back to his apartment, and also he wanted to show me some of his old baby clothes.

Jess

"Hubba, hubba, mama in trubba."

Jess

I know I'm gullible because a lot of people tell me that and I have no reason not to believe them.

Jess

Them's joint bank account eyes.

Jess
Displaying quotes 1 - 12 of 540 in total
New Girl quotes work incredibly well because they attempt to combine comedy and drama, ridiculousness and being totally sincere, as the six characters explore the difficulties of their late 20s and early 30s. Because they are all maturing (or struggling to) in regards to relationships and careers, this often leads to New Girl quotes that are heartfelt as well as hilarious and gives the show a unique appeal. Schmidt and Nick likely produce the funniest lines week in and week out, although all the characters have their moments.

New Girl Quotes

I'm not convinced I know how to read, I've just memorized a lot of words.

Nick

I know I'm gullible because a lot of people tell me that and I have no reason not to believe them.

Jess
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