New Girl

Tuesdays 9:00 PM on FOX
New girl
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New Girl quotes are the funnest part of the show. It's pretty incredible how many hilarious lines they come up with week in and week out, so we suggest browing through New Girl quotes on a regular basis. For your funny bone's sake.

We're just covering our asses, while you're uncovering your's

Jess

I'm a very good secretary

Nick

It's a sexy place Jess, look at the CPR poster.

Coach

Hey! If I cooked up a whole chicken, would you guys have some?

Nick

Winston, you go to the driving range just to watch?

Schmidt

Oh my god! Will you not stop till the whole world is arosed?

Schmidt

If you feel things getting sexual say, "shut it down!"

Jess

Sponges make me feel exhilarated.

Nick

Officer, can I read you your rights? You have the right to remain hugged. And you have the right to remain sweet.

Coach

Jess: Are you insane, Schmidt? I'm not ready. That's like taking a musical from rehearsal straight to Broadway. You gotta workshop it first!
Schmidt: If you are for one second suggesting that I don't know how to open a musical, how dare you!

The point of dating is just... to keep on dating and then never stop—like burning fossil fuels or seeing a therapist.

Schmidt

Do you just walk around all day thinking about other people's feelings? How do you get anything done?

Schmidt
Displaying quotes 1 - 12 of 547 in total
New Girl quotes work incredibly well because they attempt to combine comedy and drama, ridiculousness and being totally sincere, as the six characters explore the difficulties of their late 20s and early 30s. Because they are all maturing (or struggling to) in regards to relationships and careers, this often leads to New Girl quotes that are heartfelt as well as hilarious and gives the show a unique appeal. Schmidt and Nick likely produce the funniest lines week in and week out, although all the characters have their moments.

New Girl Quotes

It's a sexy place Jess, look at the CPR poster.

Coach

I'm gonna bake a cake so moist, girls are gonna be like, 'Ewww, why did you say moist? I hate that word?' and I'm gonna be like, 'Taste the cake!' And they're gonna be like, 'Damn, it's moist!'"

Coach
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