New Girl quotes are the funnest part of the show. It's pretty incredible how many hilarious lines they come up with week in and week out, so we suggest browing through New Girl quotes on a regular basis. For your funny bone's sake.

Schmidt: Come on Gina, give me a shot at red potatoes.
Gina: No way cause I need ya. You're the best sort of mid-level employee I've ever had. You are the ass to my horse and I'm gonna keep you right here, right by my side where I can find ya, forever.

You got girl trouble, get a crystal!


Eat glass and die you tramp!

Mrs. Roz

If you died, I'd be lost!


Jess: So you want us to come out so that you can go back to hooking up with all the hot teachers?
Coach: Very much so.

I just want to be slapped around!


We'll be celebrating Bangsgiving!


I’m pretty sure they call her ‘The Fish’ because she’s tough, but fair, like a lot of fish I’ve met.


I’m not putting on the kimono. It legitimizes you owning it.


I once tried on my girl cousin’s wool tights and I didn’t hate how it felt.


I have no idea why you live with these people. What kind of person would urinate on an electrical socket?

The Fish

We're just covering our asses, while you're uncovering yours.

New Girl quotes work incredibly well because they attempt to combine comedy and drama, ridiculousness and being totally sincere, as the six characters explore the difficulties of their late 20s and early 30s. Because they are all maturing (or struggling to) in regards to relationships and careers, this often leads to New Girl quotes that are heartfelt as well as hilarious and gives the show a unique appeal. Schmidt and Nick likely produce the funniest lines week in and week out, although all the characters have their moments.

New Girl Quotes

I'm not convinced I know how to read, I've just memorized a lot of words.


I'm gonna bake a cake so moist, girls are gonna be like, 'Ewww, why did you say moist? I hate that word?' and I'm gonna be like, 'Taste the cake!' And they're gonna be like, 'Damn, it's moist!'"