I know you're not a stripper, but is there any way you can take your short pants off?

Jess

I'm sorry for my friend objectifying you, but in her defense, you are fine as hell.

Jess

It's like my hearing is what a dog hears.

Jess

The very fact that socks exist is proof shoes don't work.

Cece

Welcome to your bachelorette party 2.0.

Jess

I said chill day in, but did I mean it?

Jess

Ever since I've known you, you've been there. OK. You're always there. Even when I don't want you there, you're there. That's what a husband does. You fight for me. Thats what a husband does. You care about what I eat. That's what a husband does. You've cooked for me even when I don't ask. That's what a husband does. When I pass out you comb my hair so there's no knots in it. That's what a husband does. So guess what? You're gonna be a great husband to Cece cause you're a great husband to me.

Nick

A lot of people don't know this, but Aly's full name is Alyson.

Winston

Beans are nothing but soggy nuts!

Schmidt

That's too much whisky for my frame.

Winston

Nick: What does a man do about that pain?
Schmidt: Takes a bubble bath.

You got hurt on a hog man!

Nick

New Girl Quotes

Get rid of it, Jess. Pine has no place in this loft. It's the wood of poor people and outhouses.

Schmidt

Beans are nothing but soggy nuts!

Schmidt