Shut up, Lutz!


If you have enough money you can do whatever you want! Now I can appear on Martha Stewart Live. Oh, and it's going to be raunchy!


[to Jenna] Wake up motherf****r!"


[to Jack] It has a ham button! You used my idea!


Are you pickling squirrel meat? Cause I can lend you my skullpresser.


Jack: (re: his years spent developing the pocket microwave): Most of that time has been spent trying to come up with a hip, edgy name that would appeal to the marketing holy trinity: college students, the morbidly obese, and homosexuals.

With no TGS I see you... self-publishing your novel and moving back in with your parents.


You know what I like to do for eight hours? The TV Guide crossword.

Dr. Leo Spaceman

Passing out and cursing on St. Patrick's Day. Is nothing sacred anymore?


Well I know I'm gonna hate myself in the morning but I'm going to treat myself to one more new potato


Betty: I am not a gold digger, I don't care about Matt's money
Amanda: ...and cut, print, Oscar! Don't change a word, you nailed it.

Willy, selling your possessions? Isn't that one rung above appearing on a reality show?