J.D.: I have to be honest, Miss Sullivan; when Dr. Kelso said "board member", I was thinking of this, like, old, grumpy-
Jordan: That would be my father. He died.
J.D.: I'm so sorry.
Jordan: ...Twenty years ago.
J.D.: Oh. I woulda said sorry back then, but I had a little trouble with my S's...I was five... S's..

Turk: I will never sleep at your place again.
Carla: It wasn't that bad!
Turk: Does your mother invite the priest over for breakfast every day?
Carla: Only when she finds me in bed with some guy.... So, yeah, most days

Elliot: Why doesn't anyone ever listen to me?
Turk: 'In a better place', 'look different', 'feel good', 'kay? That's what usually happens when you see a shrink.
Elliot: My patient happens to be a therapist, I'm not 'seeing a shrink.'
Turk: Okay.
Elliot: And I would appreciate it if you'd stop spreading around embarrassing rumors like that.
Turk: Whoa, whoa, whoa, I'm just goofing around. Besides, the last thing I want to do is upset a crazy lady

J.D.: Sorry. He's a... Wait, wait, wh-why are you dressed?
Jordan: Oh, I'm going to a party. I assume my tests are normal, or else you wouldn't be chatting me up. But, gosh, Huckleberry, I sure hope we can go down to the river sometime and race frogs!
J.D.'s Narration: That's it!
J.D.: Listen, you spoiled, bossy, chore of a woman.
Jordan: I'm sorry, what'd you just say?
J.D.'s Narration: You're in now, go for it.
J.D.: I'm the doctor, here. So put your gown back on, get back in bed, and shut the hell up.
Jordan: No one talks to me that way!
J.D.: Well, get used to it...missy... Um... I didn't mean to be such a hard-ass just now. You can totally wait until I'm gone to put your gown back on.
Jordan: Take off your pants.
J.D.: Yes, ma'am

Dr. Cox: Hello, Jordan.
J.D.'s Narration: Oh, no, no.
Jordan: Perry.
J.D.: "Perry"?
Dr. Cox: You never heard that.
J.D.'s Narration: I never heard that, I'm not here, and I don't have your ex-wife's bite mark on my neck

J.D.: Dr. Cox!
Dr. Cox: Okay, Linus, you're way too excited; I want you to get your blankie, go in a corner, and take a time-out

J.D.: Oh, thanks, that's-that's special. Look, I have to ask you a favor, but you have to know this is not why we slept together.
Jordan: Yeah, you had nothing to do with why we slept together.
J.D.: I think we both know that's not completely true.
Jordan: Oh, please. Even though you're terrified the Good Dr. Cox'll find out, if I wanted you to go to his apartment right now and have sex with me in front of him, you would.
J.D.: Please don't do that

Turk: You know, I went to therapy once.
Elliot: You did?
Turk: Yeah. Once, though, like, back in '93 to '94; and then three months in '95; and then I went to Group which was a disaster

Dr. Cox: She was never boring.
J.D.: What happened?
Dr. Cox: Eh, you marry somebody just like your mother, and then you remember you hate your mother

J.D.'s Narration: Look at him, pretending like yesterday never happened. Well, if he thinks I'm gonna forgive him without so much as a-
Dr. Cox: Anyway newbie, the reason I was all bent outta shape yesterday...
J.D.: I accept.
Dr. Cox: Don't interrupt me. Come here. Pull that curtain. Mrs. Blitt over there, needs the TIPS procedure, no insurance. Yeah, well she can now look forward to a lifetime of encephalopathy and jaundice thanks to bottom-line Bob.
J.D.: Is it really that bad?
Dr. Cox: I hate Robert Kelso. I hate his family, I hate his friends, I hate the guy that cleans his vaguely racist little lawn jockey. Infact I hate anybody who even associates with him, is that clear?

That TIPS proceedure was for Mrs. Blitt down in 103. You see, she doesn't have insurance, Mr. Martinez on the other hand has great insurance. Should I talk slower or go get a nurse who speaks fluent moron?

Dr. Cox

Is that how you see this relationship? As some mad dash to the finish line? Because I'll take you into that bedroom right now and and I promise you, you will be walking sideways for the rest of your life because I'll have used all your up and down!

Carla