Peter: Like Dick Cheney when he was a Wal-Mart greeter.
Dick Cheney: Go (beep) yourself. Go (beep) yourself. Go (beep) yourself.

Peter: Hey Fulcher!
Fulcher: Griffin?
Peter: The feeling's mutual.
Fulcher: What are you doing here?
Peter: I'm here to kick your ass, Fulcher. I'm gonna beat ya, and then my son Chris is gonna beat ya. It's gonna be an old fashion father-son beat-off.
Chris: Wait a minute dad, you can't hit him.
Fulcher: Yeah, I have MS.
Peter: Oh, ya hear that Chris? This guy's got a monkey scrotum and he's braggin' about it. Now ya really got me mad.

Peter: Hey, Stewie, nice sunburn! (Slaps him on the back)
Stewie: Aaah, you horse's ass!

(Peter and Lois are sitting on the sofa and Chris walks in telling them about the Bully)
Peter: Chris, you have to stand up for yourself, like my great-grandfather Turn-Of-The-Century-Take-On-All-Comers Griffin.
(Black and white scene of Peter's Great-grandfather in a boxing ring with a kangaroo)
Peter's Great-grandfather: (in a posh voice) Alright, put 'em up! Put 'em up! Are you having a Bully day? I'm having a bully day. Is everyone having a bully day?
Posh man in the crowd 1: Bully!
Posh man in the crowd 2: Bully!
Posh man in the crowd 3: Yes, Bully!
Peter's Great-grandfather: Oh, thank god we live in this time!

(Brian is teaching Stewie to ballroom dance)
Brian: If you're going to make me do this, at least let me lead.
Stewie: Okay, fine. (they move close together) I love you.
Brian: What?!
Stewie: Olive juice.
Brian: "Olive juice"?
Stewie: "Olive juice" you, too!

Quagmire: Hey, hey, hey, hey that's a stroke!
Peter: I just tapped my ball, Quagmire. Relax.
Quagmire: Oh relax, huh? Look, I just tapped my ball. Oh, just tapped it again. Tap, tap, tap...oh where is it? It's in the hole. Eagle. Yay Quagmire!
(Quagmire bends his putter across his knee and throws it against the cart)
Joe: Hey Quagmire, you know it's not fun when you're like this.
Quagmire: You want fun? Go home and buy a monkey!
Cleveland: What does that even mean?
Quagmire: I don't know. (voice drops to normal) Boy, we've got a beautiful day for this.

Joe: Hey, do you think it's time to talk to Quagmire about his anger issues with this game?
Cleveland: A white man shouldn't play sports in the first place.

(Stewie is standing in the mirror, peeling off his dead skin)
Brian: Ewww!
Stewie: Hey Brian, you want some Stewie jerky?

Boys, Boys. We can settle this like reasonable and sexy teenagers. Whoever can swallow the most Tylenol PM wins.

Herbert

Peter: You got Legos? Aw, sweet! Lois only buys me Mega Bloks.
Lois: They're the same thing, Peter.
Peter: You know what, Lois? They are not the same thing. And the sooner you get that through your thick skull, the sooner we can get this marriage back on track.

Peter: I'll do it Lois. Right after a healthy breakfast of juice, toast, and store brand imitation frosted flakes featuring Terry the Tiger.
Terry the Tiger: They'reeeee... food!

Brian: Well, that's it for the list.
Stewie: Not quite Brian. There's one more thing I need you to do before I die. (Hands Brian a pencil and a pad of paper) Write down my final thoughts?
Brian: Oh, come on!
Stewie: (Softly) I don't have much time.
Brian: (sighs)
Stewie: Oh squiggly line in my eye fluid. I see you lurking there on the peripherie of my vision. But when I try to look at you, you scurry away. Are you shy, squiggly line? Why only when I ignore you, do you return to the center of my eye? Oh, squiggly line, it's alright, you are forgiven.