Meg: There is no way that I'm sleeping in Chris' room this weekend; it smells like old milk in there!
Chris: Hey, if I could find it, I'd clean it up!

Aunt Margarite [on her video will]: Lois, you were always my favorite niece; I just knew you would find a wonderful man who would make all your dreams come true. But I was wrong.
Peter: And now you're dead. Score one for Peter

Coco: You simply must join us in a game of baccarat.
Peter: Right baccarat atcha!

If I ever go back to Quahog, it'll be just so that I can poke poor people with a stick!


Raj: I don't like bugs, okay? They freak me out.
Sheldon: Interesting. You're afraid of insects and women. Ladybugs must render you catatonic.

Raj: What happened?
Sheldon: Obviously another carnal fiasco with the 'Shiksee' goddess.
Howard: Shiksa. Shik-Sa.
Sheldon: Forgive me. Yiddish was not spoken in East Texas. And if it was, it wasn't spoken for long.

Leonard: Why would you buy peppermint schnapps?
Penny: Because I like peppermint, and it's fun to say schnapps!

Wolowitz: Sex is never the way I dreamed it was going to be.
Raj: Because in your dreams, you're a horse from the waist down.

Howard, you know me to be a very smart man. Don't you think that if I were wrong, I'd know it?


you're missing the point, a Shiksa goddess is not an actual goddess, we prey on them, not to them


Lisbon: How did it go with Bosco?
Jane: Good. It was, uh, it was very good. We had a frank exchange of views.
Lisbon: So he's gonna keep us in the loop?
Jane: No.
Lisbon: No?
Jane: Wouldn't direct me to the bathroom if my ass was on fire.

Jane: Can I please continue working with you?
Lisbon: I thought you were quitting.
Jane: You know I didn't mean that.
Lisbon: So the job is worth wile, is it?
Jane: Uh, it's not that. I mean, it' not that at all. It's just... I have nothing else to do.
Lisbon: No jokes. From now, there have to be boundaries.
Jane: Agreed.
Lisbon: I need to know that you can do your work and be effective without creating a mess that I have to clean up.
Jane: No mess, I swear.
Lisbon: On that basis, you can remain with the unit.
Jane: Thank you.