After that fateful day I could never even look at Eliza again. It didn't help that the next day he drank bad well water and went blind.

Milhouse [reading diary]

Ralph: Mr. Luther King had a dream. Dreams are where Elmo and Toy Story had a party, and I went there. Yay, my turn is over.
Principal Skinner: One of your best Ralph.

A little schmutz, a little schmear, and presto, you're part of the underclown railroad.

Krusty

To the library? Can you believe we're married to those nerds?

Homer [to Bart]

Homer: The motto of the Simpsons is: "quit while you're ahead."
Marge: I made it into a sampler.

A week ago, I had no idea of what the future would bring, which I guess is true of everyone all the time

Lisa [reading Eliza's diary]

Lisa: Our family was on the underground railroad.
Bart: We ran a subway station?
Lisa: No, the underground railroad was a bunch of people that helped slaves escape to Canada. There were no actual trains and it wasn't underground.
Bart: Then they should have called it the "above ground normal road."
Homer: Good point, Bart.
Lisa: I never thought of that before.
Marge: Very good, Bart.

Our ancestors were kicked out of Australia.

Grampa

Oh, you mean Adam and Eve Simpson. Or as you may know them, Julius and Ethel Rosenberg.

Grampa

If i were you I wouldn't take it to the past. I lived in part of that past, and I got out for a reason.

Homer

Guess we need a pattern maker.

Ben

Yeah, the Simpson family is a long line of horse thieves, deadbeats, horse beats, dead thieves and a few alcoholics.

Homer