Gob: Let me ask you something. Is this a business decision, or is it personal? 'Cause if it's business, I'll go away happily. But if it's personal, I'll go away, but I won't be happy.
Michael: It's personal.
Buster: I am so sorry.

Tobias: Michael, if I could stick my pretty, little nose in here for one second. When I was a psychiatrist, and this is before I became an actor...
Lindsay: You're still not an actor.
Tobias: Lovely... I saw a lot of this type of behavior, and what I think you're experiencing is your son's very normal need to distance himself from his overbearing father. Am I touching something? Watch this. Maeby, where are you off to in this glorious
(Tobias is inadvertently touching the cornballer)
Tobias: Hot! Hot hot!
Michael: Be careful. Are you okay?
Tobias: (whimpers and grimaces for a few seconds) Hot hot...Now, take my daughter for example. She lives her life, and I get the pleasure of guessing what that mind entailed on. Watch this. Maeby, where are you off to in this glorious Sunday afternoon? (whispers to Michael) She won't tell you.
Maeby: I'm going to audition for a play.
Tobias: Well, that time it didn't work...What?! What play?
Maeby: It's for high school. You can't audition.
Tobias: I was totally wrong! She's reaching out to her actor daddy. DOES ANYONE HAVE AN ICE PACK?!

Michael: (explaining ideas to his associates in a meeting) ...And we're back on track, and we're focused, and ... Buster. (who is assembling the bike) You can't do that in the snack room, pal?
Buster: Mom told me to stay away from microwaves. And besides, this is gonna be the most bitching fast bike in all of Orange County!

Lindsay: Buster's right. You get off on being withholding.
Lucille: Buster said that? My Buster?
Lucille: Michael?
Buster: Mom?
Michael: What are you doing here?
Lucille: (to Buster) Oh, hello, Buster. Here's a candy bar. (pulling candy bar away) No. I'm withholding it. Look at me. Getting off!

I didn't get into this business to please sophomore Tracy Schwartzman, so ... onward and upward. On ... (crying) Why, Tracy?! Why?!


Lucille: You might want to let that fire go out before you stick your face in it.
Lindsay: Ah, that's funny. Because I was going to say, you might want to lean away from that fire since you're soaked in alcohol.
Lucille: Mine was better.

Lindsay: Did you enjoy your meal, Mom? You drank it fast enough.
Lucille: Not as much as you enjoyed yours. You want your belt to buckle, not your chair.

Lucille: Oh, it's probably all in a storage unit somewhere.
Michael: Where's the storage unit?
Lucille: I don't remember.
Michael: Try.
Lucille: Something-dale. I don't know -- Brookfeather, Raintree. It's hot. It was very hot there. I've never been ... get a warrant.
Michael: Don't think I won't.

You stay on top of her, buddy ... Do not be afraid to ride her ... Hard.
(George Michael looks petrified)

</i> Michael

Lucille: (about Gob) He's very upset. You haven't included him in the business at all. He's your older brother. You could find a little job for him. Make him feel special.
Michael: But he's not special, Mother.
Lucille: No. But he loves you.

Michael: Well, I got news for you, Gob. Dad still doesn't trust me to this day. He treats me like a low level employee.
Gob: It's better than being treated like the goofball... the joker... the magician (uncrosses arms dramatically and nothing happens)
Michael: I thought you were gonna do, like a trick there, like the fireball or something.

Michael: So, Mom, I'm trying to find...
Lucille: I don't know where they are.
Michael: ...these flight records. You know, it's really more believable if you let me finish.