Dolph: I'm going to kiss the ground.
Kearney: Loser, you're gay for the ground.
Dolph: Well, you're gay for homophobia.
Kearney: Wow, you just made me gay for tolerance.

Honey, Grandpa is the closest thing I have to a father and I love him, but three octogenocerauses?!?

Homer

My lifestyle is my retirement plan.

Homer

Oh, and by they way, you should look into an anti-Semitic furry bear in Times Square.

Elsbeth

Hey, we've all got a past that could hurt us. Don't let yours hurt you.

Will

Alicia: Mr. Hayden, you got out of your taxi.
Clarke: Yes, I decided to walk. It was only 15 blocks.

Alicia: Hey! You got top billing!
Will: I'm an impressive person.
Alicia: I never doubted it for a minute.

Lucille: I know they're doing this in order to help protect Jacob.
Henry: Which one?

I guess what I'm saying is when life gives you a second chance, you gotta take it full on. I wanna make this count, and I'm going to.

Caleb

Now I know these clothes are clean, so I won't be happy unless you come home completely filthy.

Lucille

Elaine: Is it really you?
Caleb: Who else would it be?

Just because a case is closed doesn't mean you've got closure.

Jamie