Bonnie: Where did all my money go?
Co-Worker : To taxes. Uncle Sam thinks it's important we learn to share. With him.

• Permalink: To taxes. Uncle Sam thinks it's important we learn to share. With him.
• Added: June 28, 2018

Becca: Wow. Cereal AND milk?
Bonnie: Try to make it last, please. Cereal and milk cost over a dollar.
Becca: My friends will be so jealous.

• Permalink: My friends will be so jealous.
• Added: June 28, 2018

Kathleen: When I saw her playing there, I just got this feeling in my gut. I just knew she could do it!
Greg: That feeling is worth a million bucks. You are a natural.

• Permalink: That feeling is worth a million bucks. You are a natural.
• Added: June 28, 2018

Bonnie: So, in order to be an independent woman, I have to be completely dependent on my 11-year-old daughter. So, I'm asking you, what are we celebrating?
Kathleen: Jessica booking her first commercial and you being her amazing mama.

• Permalink: Jessica booking her first commercial and you being her amazing mama.
• Added: June 28, 2018

Bonnie: Oh. Am I the God damned Mother of the Year? I didn't know. It's so unexpected. Thank you all for coming tonight. First of all, I'd like to thank Kathleen and Greg for showing my daughter what it feels like to have to work for a living.
Diana: You're a little drunk. Why don't you just sit down?
Bonnie: And I'd also like to thank Diana for tearing herself away from doing absolutely nothing in order to be here.
Diana: I'm actually very busy. Tonight was my only free night, so...
Bonnie: Lastly, I'd like to give special thanks to my daughters who couldn't be here tonight because one was so exhausted from hawking orange juice and the other won't speak to me because she thinks I've driven her father away. Thank you so much.

• Permalink: Lastly, I'd like to give special thanks to my daughters who couldn't be here tonight because...
• Added: June 28, 2018