Crazy Ex-Girlfriend
Fridays 9:00 PM on The CWCrazy Ex-Girlfriend Season 2 Episode 2: "When Will Josh See How Cool I Am?" Quotes
The funny thing is - and not haha funny, sad funny - the reason I got a DUI is because I was driving over the next morning to tell you that I loved you. But I blew my shot, and that's my fault. Life went on without me. And you and Josh? You should be happy together. You're happy, right?
Greg
I wanted to tell you myself, but I didn't know where you were. I got a single text from you and then you disappeared for a month.
Rebecca
So Greg knows that you and Rebecca are together? Oh no – Greg is probably freaking out.
White Josh
Dude, you're getting sober, you're not turning into a robot. It's okay to have feelings.
Heather
Whoop-de-freakin' doo. My best friend is sleeping with my ex behind my back. Who cares? I don't. But I could if I wanted – (puts fist into that wall)
Greg
Ping-pong girl - she's like Serena or Venus, just watching her swing affects my penis. You know us dudes, we love to talk about our penises.
Why are all of my friends in love with this girl?
Hector
Greg: You know that time when we went out after seeing your friends terrible band and you ordered french fries, and I ate all of them because I was wasted? When I think of myself doing that I am… that was so selfish of me. And I'm sorry.
Heather: Wow, I'm really glad you reached out about that.
Greg: You are?
Heather: No, I don't remember that at all, but I will take your french fry apology and apply it to other stuff.
Chase down the regret with some gin for good luck, then steal my cousin Jim's landscaping truck, drive home, then I puke on my cat, my cat, I puke on my cat. I fall through the doorway and puke on my cat. Poor little Bruno did not expect that. I try for the toilet, but puke on my cat.
Greg
Josh: I was the one with the fake ID in high school. At every party I would dare you to drink the whole bottle because I thought it was funny or something. God, I don't know if I can live with myself anymore.
White Josh: Weirdly, this isn't about you.
Maybe this dream won't poop on my face, like a seagull at the beach.
Paula
Tim: What's with [Paula]?
Darryl: I don't know but I'll find out. I'm her best friend. Everyone knows that, right?
Tim: Everyone knows you say it.
