It's not like I'm at home pining away for you, collecting your hair to turn into some teeny, tiny voodoo doll.

Swatello

Jared: I wouldn't mind his game when I'm 70.
Peter: I wouldn't mind his game now.

The fact that I took our friendship and just crashed it into a pole kills me. It makes me want to do a swan dive into a woodchopper.

Jared

OK, do I have a sign that says I banged Peter's mom on my forehead? Let me rephrase that before you punch a hole through my face.

Jared

Peter: Were your parents ninjas?
Dan: They never said.

Don't try to peel this onion, you'll only find a plum.

Infeld

Franklin and Bash, wrangle your vermin.

Judge

Jared: We were young. Mere chicken tenders.
Peter: But now we're the big cocks of the wok.

You should come with evil theme music.

Jared

Peter: This is insane, even for you.
Jared: Only if you think about it.

Objection your honor, you look far too hot.

Peter

You miss 100% of the shots you don't take.

Peter