Scream Queens Season 1 Episode 4: "Haunted House" Quotes
Listen, there are real bodies of real dead people. And there's a guy in an ice cream cone nailed to the wall, bless his heart. Please send help! Sweet baby Jesus.
Zayday
Wow. Those cotton balls do not provide much energy, do they?
Chanel #3
I'm as skinny as Karen Carpenter in the morgue and Chad Radwell still won't commit to me. I may die at the end of a serial killer's blade but I refuse to die hungry.
Chanel
Denise Hemphill: Happy Halloween, Zayday. I hope you have a good time at your haunted party and get to murder lots of folks. Just remember: Denise Hemphill has her eyes on you.
Chad: Sometimes I come out here and I just rub my hands on the gravestones...and when I find a gravestone I like, I uh, I get turned on and I rub one out to it.
Hester: I get it. I get you more than anyone. I also find the thought of dead bodies extremely arousing.
Chad: Oh god, that is such a relief to hear.
Chanel: A haunted pumpkin patch.
Chanel #3: How very adolescent of you to think of this. It vaguely smacks of something my six year old sister would be excited about but... great, yes. A haunted pumpkin patch created expressly to raise money for some disease more heinous than Zayday's sickle cell anemia haunted house.
Let me brew you up a hot cup of tell it like it is.
Zayday
Weston, this has been a terrifying night and you're an overwhelmed single father who's back on the dating scene and clearly that's got you a little freaked out. I'm not going to hold any of this against you and I'm gonna let you be my date for the faculty Halloween party. We are going as Bo Peep and her sheep.
Dean Munsch
Halloween is the most important day of the year. It's the one day on the Gregorian calendar where you're allowed to go around terrifying children and not be branded a psychopath. I am a future network news anchor who's super classy and has almost no fat on her body. But a lot of my fans are, like, friendless dumpy coeds at this or that nursing school in one of this country's various national armpits. And Chanel-O-Ween is the one time a year where I can give these precious donkeys something to look forward to. They put down their Hot Pockets and bask in the warm glow of what it feels like to love me. Chanel-O-Ween is approaching so I went shopping with my comatose grandmother's credit card and bought presents. This severed hand is for Mallory. These razor apples- for Daisy!
Chanel
