Sex and the City Season 3 Episode 5: "No Ifs, Ands or Butts" Quotes
Carrie: Look. Since you negotiated such a good price for me on the chair, maybe I could negotiate a little deal for you on the smoking.
Aidan: What kind of deal?
Carrie: Well, I've been thinking about quitting anyway, so why not now. (Opens purse and shows Aidan the inside) Ta-da. No cigarettes.
Aidan: Can you do that?
Carrie: See, I think maybe you think I'm more of a smoker than I actually am, I only have, like a cigarette with cocktails.
If this is ever gonna work, I need you to believe in us a little more. I need you to believe in me, even if you think it is fucking stupid.
Steve
Samantha: Well I am not about to back down to her. That is just not who I am.
Carrie: Yeah Samantha's right. She shouldn't have to sacrifice who she is just because somebody else has a problem with it.
Samantha: Thank you.
Carrie: It's like me with smoking. You know it's too bad that Aidan had a problem with it. But you have to accept people for who they are.
Miranda: Wait, you're choosing cigarettes over a cute guy?
Carrie: He's not that cute.
Miranda: You bought furniture he was so cute.
Carrie: OK, but for him to dump me like that over a little thing like smoking...
Charlotte: Smoking is not a little thing, it's a dirty disgusting habit and you're killing yourself!
Carrie: Thank you, chin.
Charlotte: Really, Carrie, we all hate it. We just put up with it because we love you. Now you have a reason to quit, so quit.
Carrie: You know, I really don't appreciate being ganged up on.
Miranda: Who's ganging up on you?
Carrie: Smoking is a part of who I am. I will quit when I want to quit, and it won't be because some cute guy told me to. Right, Samantha?
Samantha: No, honey. Fighting a battle for Chivon is one thing, but holding on to those nasty cigarettes, well that's just whack.
Miranda: Please tell me she didn't just say whack.
Miranda: Steve thinks he's going to win a million dollars.
Carrie: You told me.
Miranda: I guess I have to keep repeating it until I believe it. It's totally illogical, and then he wants me to be all supportive.
Carrie: Well?
Miranda: Well, what? It's a half court shot, there are actual Knicks who can't make it. I would have no trouble supporting him if it was a real dream, like opening his own bar or something, but this is just silly.
Carrie: Isn't that what you couples do, support each other's silly dreams?
Miranda: You're asking me?
Carrie: It's all total bull shit. What is wrong with cigarettes?
Stanford: Nothing, they're fabulous!
Charlotte: Don't make fun of me, my chin hurts.
Carrie: Yeah exactly what happened there?
Charlotte: He raped my face, I'm never seeing him again.
Charlotte: Maybe you should stop seeing him, race is a very big issue.
Samantha: No, there is no reason to bring race into this, Chivon is a sweet man, we have great sex and he happens to have the biggest....
Charlotte: Black cock, we know, he has a big black cock.
Samantha: I was about to say biggest heart, but now that you're so interested, yes, he does have a big black cock.
Miranda: It's a big Afro-American cock. Right, Charlotte?
You know my dog is obsessed with you. He kept me up talking all night. Her leg, man, her leg. Arrrrf..... Finally had to say, Pete, let her go man, it's over.
Aidan
Carrie: I have a crush.
Miranda: Um, yea, you haven't had a crush in a while, not since Big.
Carrie: Big wasn't a crush, he was a crash.
Stanford: Have you seen the New York Times style section?
Carrie: You know I can't handle hard news before noon.
Stanford: There's a beautiful man downtown, selling beautiful furniture, and we're going.
Carrie: I got a whole afternoon plan of Australian Vogue, I'm not just going to drop everything, to go see some cute guy.
Stanford shows her the guy's picture
Stanford: His straight.
Carrie: I'll get my purse.
Samantha: That is one fine looking man, I would like to get me some of that.
Charlotte: Don't talk like that.
Samantha: Like what?
Charlotte: You know.
Samantha: Oh, relax, with the nicher glibly reaction, that wasn't black talk, that was sex talk.
Charlotte: First, of all, it isn't black talk, it's African American talk, and you should'nt be talking like that at all Samantha, it's rude and politically incorrect.
Carrie: Sweetie, a reminder, Samantha is rude and politically incorrect.
Miranda: She's an equal opportunity offender.
Samantha: Precisely, I don't see colour, I see conquest.
Charlotte: Maybe, we could work on it, practice makes perfect.
Samantha: No, no, no, dump him, a bad kisser is non-negotiable.
