Stan Against Evil
Wednesdays 10:00 PM on IFCStan Against Evil Quotes
I knew it. Thirty-two years old and she thinks she can stay out all night. Kids these days. No wonder we can't win a war.
Evie: Denise! What are you doing?
Denise: Killing a hobo with a hammer. What are you doing??
Stan: What are you guys watchin'? A goddamned asshole show?
Evie: Vampire Creek.
Denise: It's a show about sexy teen vampires.
Stan: They live in a creek?
Denise: No. It's the name of the town.
Stan: Oh, no. You wanna see a sexy vampire, you gotta, you gotta watch those Hammer films with Ingrid Pit, that British chick with good teeth and a coupla horn-honkin' milk jugs. Oh, I gotta tell ya ... What?
Evie: Stan! I'm so glad to see you! You know, earlier tonight, I met a man named Fart.
Stan: Woman, have you seen yourself?
Evie: Oh no, I can't. I don't have a reflection anymore. But seriously. Who would name their baby Fart?
I don't need your help. I can see with my ears, like Jesus.
Stan: You changed your shirt.
Denise: I did. How did you know?
Stan: I can smell the different thread count screaming at me like a thousand sirens.
Sheriff, come out and play-ayyy!
Marty Nubbin
I'm gonna bite your ding dong. [Stan tosses him across the room] I haven't forgotten about your ding dong.
Marty Nubbin
This is all your fault, Stan, because you are messing with powers you do not understand! [grins] I always wanted to say that.
Bill
Now let's bang out some spells and spring us some goddamned souls. Waddya say?
Driver: So what brings you to Willards Mill?
Demon: I'm here to collect souls.
Driver: [slams on the breaks] Well, here we are. Just cut through those woods and go another 18 miles.
OK, confession time. The spell you just recited is, well, basically you just condemned yourselves to hell. I know. I conned you. I'm sorry. [chuckles]. Actually, I'm not sorry. I'm sorry I'm not sorry. Can you be that? I think I'm that!
Bill
