The Last Man on Earth
Sundays 9:30 PMThe Last Man on Earth Season 2 Quotes
This is my brother, OK? My own flesh and blood. Until two weeks ago, I thought I had lost him forever. What are the chances? The entire world dies, there are seven of us, and my brother shows up. That is not a coincidence. I said goodbye to him once. I am not gonna do it again. He has a friggin' cold.
Phil
Erica: I got a job at the state department.
Mike: They hired you with a criminal record?
Erica: They didn't hire me. They hired Amanda Williams from Cleveland, Ohio. Majored in Political Science at The Ohio State University. Go Pi Phi! Go! Whoo!
OK, guys, picnic's cancelled.
Mike
Melissa: They're really invested in this picnic theme.
Gail: I don't know that I like living here anymore.
Mike: Phil, I gotta say I'm not totally comfortable with this arrangement.
Phil: Well, this is the arrangement we've got, so if you don't like it, there's the friggin' beads.
Mike: How'd you and Phil meet?
Carol: I saw his billboards and then I caught him sniffing my bra and then I almost shot him and then he wet himself. And we've been together ever since.
Mike: So just a classic "pee at first sight," huh?
Todd, this is not my first sexual rodeo. But still, you accepted me as a pure and unsullied vessel for your seed, and because of you, our child will not be a bastard. No judgment, Erica.
Carol
Carol: Well, there is Mike.
Phil: No, absolutely not. My own brother, Carol?
Carol: Well, re-enter Todd. Pun intended.
The movie is called 'Once'!
Melissa
Todd: Good evening.
Gail: What in the man of G-O-D?
Melissa: Looks like Hitler's mustache is sliding off your face.
Erica: Yeah, you look like a melon with a mold problem.
Gail: It looks like the floor of a barber shop took a dump on half your face.
Todd: I can give 100% to every person on the face of the earth and still have 100% to give to you, Gail, and you, Melissa. Now, I know that adds up to be about 600%, but what can I say? Never been good at math. Just about the only thing I am good at is Todd. Anybody has any issues with that, there's the freakin' door. I mean, I'll get it for you. Well, thank you for listening.
Melissa: That was hot.
Friggin' Mike.
Phil
