Jasper: I did not start that fire, I swear I'm innocent.
Jake: Of course you are! That's why you were doing wind-sprints across the roof.

• Permalink: Of course you are! That's why you were doing wind-sprints across the roof.
• Added: January 14, 2015

Laura: Man child!
Max: You rang?

• Permalink: You rang?
• Added: January 14, 2015

If Martha Stewart and Rachel Ray had an orgy at the craft store and posted photos online, pinterest is their beautiful love child.

Max

• Permalink: If Martha Stewart and Rachel Ray had an orgy at the craft store and posted photos online,...
• Added: January 14, 2015

Laura: I can't back out. Half the school gave me the cold shoulder when I flaked on that Halloween thing.
Jake: We were busy with real police work. Nobodies going to blame us for that.
Laura: No one will blame you! Dad's get a free pass. No one will judge you if our boys are eating gluten or high fructose corn syrup or dirt.

• Permalink: No one will blame you! Dad's get a free pass. No one will judge you if our boys are eating...
• Added: January 14, 2015