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Put a pot of coffee on, folks. This is merely a recap of the first of what will be a three-night Dancing with the Stars premiere. To kick things off, every couple danced with the Foxtrot of the Cha Cha Cha. A recap:
Cody Linley/Julianne Hough (Cha Cha Cha) Len said, "Brave are the young." He liked their confidence and energy but cautioned them to keep it refined. Great job. Bruno called it the flash of youth, and told Cody to focus on his feet and technique. Carrie Ann was freaking out that the two of them together are younger than she is (Carrie Ann is 40). She said she sees great potential in Cody. Score: 18 (6,6,6)
Rocco Dispirito/Karina Smirnoff (Foxtrot) Bruno said it was a foxtrot on the brink of chaos. Rocco lost the timing, but had good energy. Carrie Ann thought it was cute. Focusing on what was positive she liked his connection with the audience. Len said Rocco dances like Len cooks. Chuck it all in and hope for the best. Score: 14 (5,4,5)
Toni Braxton/Alec Mazo (Cha Cha Cha) Carrie Ann thought that it was like a week five performance. Len said it was a good mix of basic cha cha cha and some clever choreography. Bruno called Toni slinky, sultry, and sexy. He liked how she worked with the music. Score: 22 (7,7,8)
Maurice Greene/Cheryl Burke (Foxtrot) Len thought there were parts that were wild, parts that were wacky, and parts that were wonderful. Bruno said Maurice has a great presence, but he struggled in the hold. Carrie Ann said it was hot, but cautioned him to work on the style that is being asked of him. Score 18 (6,6,6)
Brooke Burke/Derek Hough (Cha Cha Cha) Carrie Ann said she has an amazing body designed to dance, adding that she showed great energy and strength. Bruno said Brooke is going for broke, and really liked her hip action. What a debut. Len called it the best dance so far. Score: 23 (7,8,8)
Ted McGinley/Inna Brayer (Foxtrot) Bruno said that at moments he had the elegance of Cary Grant, but at times he turned into Steve Carell. Len thought Ted had style and elegance and praised the footwork. Overall a good job. Carrie Ann said he is going to have to overcome his fear, adding that he has great potential. Score: 18 (6,6,6)
Lance Bass/Lacey Schwimmer (Cha Cha Cha) Len said that what they did, they did well. It was young and modern, but he's old and traditional. I have the feeling that this could be a recurring theme with Lacey. It should be interesting to watch. Carrie Ann's verdict was hot, hot, hot. Great sharp movements, fantastic. Bruno disagreed with Len, saying it was edgy, spunky, and tight. He added that they should be proud, a cha cha cha for now. Score: 22 (8,6,8)
Cloris Leachman/Corky Ballas (Foxtrot) Bruno said Cloris was floating out there like the battleship Geriatrica. Cloris moved to the judges table tossed a leg up on the desk to try to help sway the vote. Len said, "At your age, I'm surprised how well you dance...Corky." By this time Cloris was working her charms on Len and he told her to mind her cleavage, it was distracting him. He added that this was his chance to be a boytoy. Carrie Ann offered Cloris a seat on her lap, which she took. Carrie Ann said she was grace on the dance floor. Score 16 (6,5,5)
Jeffrey Ross/Edyta Sliwinska (Cha Cha Cha) Carrie Ann said the flirting was good, and... the form was bad, the musicality was off. She did praise him for coming out to perform despite the injury. Bruno said he hadn't seen such ungainly carnage since Cloverfield in 3D. Jeffrey tried to butter up Len before he could comment, and it kind of worked. A reserved Len said everyone that comes on the show is a winner. Score 12 (4,4,4)
Kim Kardashian/Mark Ballas (Foxtrot) Len said it was clean and had nice musicality, but there was no chemistry. Bruno called Kim a dusky beauty, but he didn't connect with her while she was dancing. Carrie Ann said she was pleasantly surprised by Kim's dancing but agreed that she needs to work on connecting with the audience as well. Score: 19 (6,7,6)
Susan Lucci/Tony Dovolani (Cha Cha Cha) Bruno said she looks like a lady, but the cha cha cha needs a slut. She was too careful, and too paced. Carrie Ann though she looked amazing in her dress, and then suggested that Susan put on some weight. Len said it was neat and precise, but too careful, adding that Susan needs to throw caution to the wind. Score: 15 (5,5,5)
Misty May-Treanor/Maksim Chmerkovskiy (Foxtrot) Carrie Ann said she has never seen anyone attack a foxtrot with so much intensity. She suggested that she try not to muscle everything. Len disagreed, saying it had an elegance and her arms were really nice. A really good job. Bruno said she shouldn't worry about being ladylike, because she is glowing on the dance floor. He cautioned her on her turns, but said she'll go a long way. Score 21 (6,8,7)
Warren Sapp/Kym Johnson (Cha Cha Cha) Len called Warren a bundle of joy, praising him for having fun. Carrie Ann said it was ending the show on a positive note. Bruno declared that big boys can dance. He called out a mistake in the middle, but praised Warren's footwork. Score: 21 (7,7,7)