The Office Quotes: "The Promotion"

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While Pam tries to encourage people to just give her and her fiance cash instead of buying something off the wedding registry, groom-to-be Jim has bigger fish to fry.

Namely, how the heck he's going to handle his new joint management position with the perpetual pain in the a$$ that is Michael Scott ... and staving off a coup.

Needless to say, a vengeful, jealous and raging lunatic Dwight was at the center of said coup attempt. Check out our recap of "The Promotion" if you missed it.

Angry Dwight

Check out our complete collection of The Office quotes from this and every episode in the show's six season history. Some of the best lines from "The Promotion" ...

Dwight: I deserved that promotion, not Jim. It makes me want to put him in a triangle chokehold, and force him down to the ground and just keep pressing and pressing and then flip him over and put him in a hammerlock! And he's gasping! He's panicking. Every last breath! And the crowd is going crazy. And boom! I emerge victorious! Ah-ha! Eighteen thousand dollars and a chance at the title! Whewhaa! | permalink
Kelly: I love rivalries. Michael or Jim. Paris or Nicole. Heidi or LC. It's so much fun. But, I guess if I'm really thinking about it and answering your question honestly, I'd have to go with LC. Heidi's a bad friend. And her skin, is terrible. | permalink
Creed: Hey, why haven't we ever, uh...
Meredith: We have. | permalink
Michael: You know what eats a large amount of the day? Naps. You go to sleep it's light out, you wake up it's dark. That's the whole day. Where did that day go? I have no idea.
Jim: You mean on a weekend.
Michael: [pause] Yes. | permalink
Jim: I've been studying Michael for years and I've condensed what I've learned into this chart. [holds up pie chart] "How Michael Spends His Time." You can see we have "procrastinating," and "distracting others," and this tiny sliver here, is "critical thinking." I made it bigger. So that you could see it. | permalink

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The Office Quotes

Dwight: What is my perfect crime? I break into Tiffany's at midnight. Do I go for the vault? No, I go for the chandelier. It's priceless. As I'm taking it down, a woman catches me. She tells me to stop. It's her father's business. She's Tiffany. I say no. We make love all night. In the morning the cops come and I escape in one of their uniforms. I tell her to meet me in Mexico but I go to Canada. I don't trust her. Besides, I like the cold. Thirty years later, I get a postcard. I have a son and he's the chief of police. This is where the story gets interesting: I tell Tiffany to meet me in Paris, by the Trocadero. She's been waiting for me all these years; she's never taken another lover. I don't care, I don't show up. I go to Berlin. That's where I stashed the chandelier.

Guess what, I have flaws. What are they? Oh, I don't know. I sing in the shower. Sometimes I spend too much time volunteering. Occasionally I'll hit somebody with my car. So sue me... No, don't sue me. That is the opposite of the point that I'm trying to make.