Welcome back to the weekly TVF Gossip Girl Round Table, where our panel breaks down the previous night's episode (see our review from earlier this morning).
Below, TV Fanatic Managing Partner Mister Meester is joined by a gentleman who needs no introduction, our esteemed President Gossip Guy, to discuss "Petty in Pink."
Our colleague DANdy is still off partying with Jack Bass on a multi-nation tour of Southeast Asia and remains MIA. Pray for him. It's a two-man show again for now:
1. What was your favorite Gossip Girl quote from last night?
Gossip Guy: Just because I love the always under-utilized character that shares my name: "The only thing thicker than blood is the ink on Page Six." Though when will they realize the only celebrity gossip site that matters is THG? Close second: Blair's shot at Charlie hailing from Florida. I love when they make fun of my home state. Trust me, it deserves it.
Mister Meester: Where to even begin? Sorely lacking last week, the funny lines were definitely back in "Petty in Pink." The Lindsay Lohan reference, Chuck nonchalantly saying scotch takes the edge off the coke, Blair deriding Dorota's selection of the "sex tape" dress (which she in fact owns) and Dan destroying Vanessa were some of my favorites.
2. Lily under house arrest: A fair punishment?
Gossip Guy: A little ridiculous. Even the alluded to Martha Stewart had to spend some time in prison before getting house arrest. And come on, in modern times with technology and the ability to blackmail your friends online, how bad would house arrest even be!?
Mister Meester: It's kind of silly, but because it lets Lily stay home and do her thing, as opposed to taking up the bulk of 3-4 episodes while the gang tries to spring her from Rikers Island, I'll chalk this up to exemplary writing and move on.3. Was that actually Raina's mother?
Gossip Guy: Absolutely. This is Gossip Girl. Not even death can kill people. But man, you'd think she would have gotten a nice enough silence package from Bart to not have to wait tables in Jersey. Or even to have to live in Jersey. Poor woman.
Mister Meester: Hard to believe they'd go to the trouble of introducing this Avery Thorpe only to have Raina's mother die in that fire. But why would Russell hate Chuck and Bart so much if she were alive? Unless Russell doesn't know either ...
SPIES IN PINK: Charlie and Serena plot their next dubious move.
4. Will Dan and Charlie hook up?
Gossip Guy: If asking her to stay and drinking beers wasn't already enough, she is (non-blood) related to the guy. We all know Lonely Boy can't resist a relative or a woman close to S.
Mister Meester: The way these last two episodes ended basically guaranteed this, right? Charlie will help Dan woo Blair, only she'll secretly be wooing him. Side Charlie Note: That photo of Dair kissing was hilarious. Dan and Blair must really be into each other, because neither noticed a phone approximately 18 inches from their faces.
5: Harder to believe: Charlie's instant love for spying, the idea that the Prince would be taken back to Paris unless his handler saw Dair kissing, or ANY of Serena's reasoning?
Gossip Guy: I'm not even going to discuss the attractive yet useless Charlie. But, atop Serena's unbelievable body and inside her gorgeous head, there is absolutely nothing going on. I'd believe any line of reasoning she came up with. Meanwhile, the Prince's handler was beyond ridiculous. Really, he'd follow Blair and Dan upstairs? Is he a middle schooler?
Mister Meester: Charlie and Lucien's spying at least somewhat fit the suspended reality that is Gossip Girl in general, so I'm gonna go with Serena. None of what she said or did made any semblance of sense. Who is she, Vanessa?
6: Rate last night on the Vanessa Uselessness Scale (1-10)?
Gossip Guy: 10. I know, extremely low on my scale. Granted she was as useless as ever, but man it was beyond hilarious this week. After Dan planned on standing her up, she came all the way to his door only to be told they'll never be friends and to basically have the door closed in her face. Hilarious. That took her down from my original rating of 4,324 to a much more modest 10. Meanwhile, Nate is slowly pushing his way up to quadruple digits. Watch yourself, Man Bangs or we might have to switch up the weekly VUS to the NUS.
Mister Meester: 7. She was actually somewhat useful by her standards, even if she basically just exists so she can meddle in others' business and they can hate her.
7: Blair gets engaged at season's end. Will it be to Chuck, Dan or Prince Louis?
Gossip Guy: Yuck, I'm the biggest supporter of Dair, but never in the form of anything long term. Now that I swallowed that vomit, I'm going to cast my vote for the Prince. Not because I think the marriage will happen, but because I think it'll make Chuck step up his game.
Mister Meester: Look, I'm all for Chuck and Blair and their undeniable chemistry. But both Dan and Louis have shown they care about her and not just because she's with someone else. B deserves a guy with more maturity whose connection with her goes beyond scheming.
For now, I'm casting my vote for Team Blouis. If nothing else, he's treating her right and will make the Prince and the Pauper fight for her even harder.
What do you think? Sound off in the comments!