Favorite Barney Stinson Quotes
Lily: Anytime a single guy hangs out with a married woman there are rules that must be followed. Rule number one...
Barney: Don't use the husband's condoms, that's just rude.
Barney: Did you sleep with her sister?
Ted: No..
Barney: Did you sleep with her mom?
Ted: No..
Barney: I'm losing interest in your story
And firing half my department freed up the money to double my own salary, and this chick from Boston was wicked hot in bed last night, and I'm getting more muscular even though I've stopped working out, and I have this amazing poker group, and I smell incredible, just, here, seriously smell me.
Check it, I just drove a Pedi cab 26 blocks and I still smell incredible.
It's like a disease. I slept with Robin one time and I caught feelings, I caught feelings bad. I used protection and everything
Chrissie I love your glasses. They totally pull focus up from that whole chin situation you got going on. To Chrissie!
This, what you're doing right now? I'm getting a De-rection.
Marshall: Hey food guy! Toy guy! [about guy dressed as ninja]: who's that guy?
Barney: He doesn't work here... I think we should leave the building
Marshall: Really?
Barney: This has happened before
You guys bangin'? Keep goin', I'm not even here. But just for the record? Having a baby? Big mistake.
Barney: Lottery girl's on.
Robin: I just feel sorry for these women. This is where broadcast careers go to die.
Barney: Check it out, I made a little game.
Lottery Girl: And tonight's lotto numbers are: 19,
Barney: Age you moved to New York after a photographer "discovered" you at a food court and said he would get you into Vogue Magazine.
Lotto Girl: 53,
Barney: Number of semi-nude pictures he took of you before you realized he had no connection to Vogue Magazine.
Lotto Girl: 22,
Barney: Age you claim you are.
Lotto Girl: 31,
Barney: Age you actually are.
Lotto Girl: 45,
Barney: Number of minutes it would take me to get you into a cab, out of your dress and into my Jacuzzi.
Lotto Girl: And tonight's Super Big Ball is...
Barney: What happens after we get out of the Jacuzzi. What Up!
Step one, you start running. There is no step two
Woman: You said that if I slept with you my son would get the part
Barney: Well apparently I'm a better actor than your kid
