Barney Stinson Quotes
Ted, when they serve alcohol at a strip club, you're not allowed to show your vagina.
Barney: Stop pining over Marshall and Lily! Have some self respect. Now put this fiver in your mouth so that stripper with the lazy eye can vacuum it up with...
Ted: Barney! I'm allowed to miss them alright? They're my two best friends.
Barney: I'm your two best friends!
Yes! Tonight is gonna be Legen... wait are we sure it's a good idea to go to a strip club? Shut Up Lily I'm in charge now... Dary!
Kevin: Hey guys where are Marshall and Lily?
Robin: Something terrible happened.
Kevin: Are they ok? Are they in the hospital?
Barney: No, somewhere much, much worse...
Marshall: Long Island!
Here's twenty for picking up a girl with only one word and here's another twenty for that word being boner.
So you're pregnant? Huh, looks like nobody told your boobs.
Ted: Sorry dude, we gotta wait for the real thing, no matter how tough it gets.
Barney: It gets pretty tough.
Ted: I know it does buddy.
A kid needs a pet cobra. Ted don't be pill about this.
I wish men could have children on their own, like seahorses!
Barney: You know what would kick ass?
Ted: Being gay?
Barney: Being gay!
Why wouldn't I be all right? Barney is single again, it's what America has been clamoring for.
Uh lets see, suits, laser tag, I say "wait for it" a lot, that's pretty much it.
