So, naturally I snapped the rip off of a triceratops, bloppidy bloppidy blue, I knocked down the whale.

I'll say this, there is no quit in that guy. You should fire him.

I love the office Halloween party, it is so much sluttier than the office Christmas Party though not as freaky as the office Presidents Day rave.

Want to come to my house and play telephone? I've got the string you've got the cans.

That is what makes you the most amazing, strong, independent woman I have ever banged.

Marshall: Hey, Barney, that prime rib was surprisingly good, but it's ten thirty in the morning I don't really need to see a lady get naked and dance.
Barney: Oh Esther gets naked, but she doesn't dance... That WAS my card!

Barney: And stop shouting, you're scaring Cottontail.
Ted: You named the rabbit?
Barney: You took longer to get here than I thought, we bonded and I'm keeping her.

Barney: And for the love of god, boobs?
Ted: Solid C Cup perky bounce
Barney: Momentary grudging respect.

Asian girls love them some Jews.

Ted that is so romantic, I want to fill a pillow case with dead batteries and beat you with it.

Trish the secretary: Excuse me Mr. Stinson?
Barney: NOT NOW TRISH!

Dude working together is going to be legen- wait for it ...I'll send you an inter office memo with the rest because we friggin' work together!