You know, Ted, it's been four years. She could be engaged or married or, God forbid, fat

Robin: He's not my boyfriend. He's just this guy I've been seeing for a couple of weeks.
Lily: Boyfriend.
Marshall: So why haven't we met him?
Robin: We're not really ready to go public yet.
Barney: Married

Lily [looking at Barney's shiny shirt]: Hey, we wore the same the shirt! No, wait, that's just my shirt reflected in yours.
Barney: One of the 24 ways women and fish are alike is that they're both attracted to bright objects. Don't you ever read my blog?

Barney: Ted, get your coat we're leaving.
Ted: What happened to the cute broad you were grinding with?
Barney: Promise not to tell anyone ever in your life? Ever? This can't be one of those stories...'funny time this one time Barney was...' none of that. Promise?
[Ted Nods]
Barney [whispers]: That was my cousin Leslie

Robin: You are gonna love Kelly, she's fun, she's smart, she lives in the moment..
Barney: Translation: She's ugly, she's ugly, she ugs in the ugly.
Robin: Oh, and she's totally hot!

Ted: These strategies ever work for you?
Barney: The question is: Do these strategies ever NOT work for me? Either way the answer is about half the time

Barney: "Okay" is the name of a club. It's really exclusive. A friend of mine once stood outside for two hours and didn't get in.
Ted: A friend of yours named "you?"
Barney: No, a friend of mine named "Shut up!"

Lily: Marshall and I are just growing up.
Marshall: And it's gonna be sweet, too. Like tonight, we're tasting all these different wines, pairing them up with these cool, gourmet cheeses.
Barney: Wow. Who knew being in a committed heterosexual relationship could make a guy so gay.
Ted: All right, cool kids are leaving now. Grandma, grandpa, don't wait up

Robin: He's even getting me into the VIP room.
Barney: He just wants to show you his own VIP, if you know what I mean.
Robin: All right, what does VIP stand for in your little universe?
Barney: Well, I know that the 'P' is penis

You dumped a porn star? Friendship over. Friendship over!

Robin: I am a journalist!
Barney: What? Journalist? You're the little fluff-pieces at the end of the news. Old people, babies, monkeys, that's not journalism. That's just things in a diaper

Barney: Did you sleep with her sister?
Ted: No..
Barney: Did you sleep with her mom?
Ted: No..
Barney: I'm losing interest in your story

HIMYM Quotes

You are the love of my life. Everything I have and everything I am is yours. Forever.


Whatever you do in this life, it's not legendary, unless your friends are there to see it.