Dr. Wilson: Uh, I'm not going to the bachelor party. Every time I go to one of your parties, I end up embarrassing myself in some new and unexpected way.
House: That whole thing with the duck was hardly unexpected.

The main reason my third wife and I eloped was to avoid House's bachelor party. Have you seen Caligula?

Dr. Wilson

House: (trying a differential) Balance organs, nerves, lungs, bones, heart.
Dr. Wilson: Things you use to make bratwurst.

House: I lost my mojo.
Dr. Wilson: Have you retraced your steps? Does your cleaning lady check your pockets before...?

House: Stuff you haven't eaten just proves you haven't eaten it.
Dr. Wilson: You were hoping for evidence of stuff I have eaten? First door on the right.

This has never been about what you missed. This has been about why you missed it.

Dr. Wilson: For the record, I'm uncomfortable violating a dead colleague's dignity.
House: It's only violating it if you find something.

Dr. Wilson: You're spying on your team.
House: Prioritize, Wilson! Is that what you really want to torture me about right now?

Dr. Wilson: Your crash was ten miles from the Orange County Progressive Pain Clinic.
House: You live ten miles from Mary's Dress Shop. Yet that's not even on my list of reasons that I think you're secretly a transvestite.

House: The cat was not predicting deaths. It was just trying to keep warm.
Dr. Wilson: Yes, dead people are renowned for their warm glow.

Dr. Wilson: I'm not always nice. I'm not nice to you.
House: Because you know nice bores me. Hence, still nice.

Kutner: And no marriage either if our patient keeps saying everything that comes into his head without regard for the consequences.
Dr. Wilson: (to House) You always led me to believe you were one of a kind.

House Quotes

Dr. Cameron: House doesn't believe in pretense. Figures life's too short and too painful. So he just says that he thinks.
Dr. Foreman: "I say what I think" is just another way of saying "I'm an assho"...

(about House) The son of a bitch is the best doctor we have.

Dr. Cuddy