Andy: Why did we pretend like we worked here?
Dwight: Is that what we were doing?

Dwight: My resolution is: meet a loose woman

Wow, did your baby draw that?

What are you gonna do now? You gonna make fun of our leader's weird voice? [mumbles] Over the line, Jim.

In the end, the greatest snowball isn't a snowball at all...it's fear. Merry Christmas.

Didn't think your affectionate nicknames would be your undoing, did you Jim?

I have no feeling in my fingers or penis, but I think it was worth it.

Oh my God, it's the first snowfall of Christmas. Is that just so magical for you, little girl? Can you not wait to have a hot chocolate and cuddle up with Poppa and tell him about all your Christmas dreams? Hmmm? It's not even real snow. Look it's dusting. Pitiful.

Dwight: We have a colleague with the same name. You're not a liar too are you.
Other Pam: I've been known to bend the truth.
Dwight: Damn it Pam! Get out!

Pam: You've been watering down the soap?
Dwight: Why do you even need soap? Are you that bad at going to the bathroom?

Dwight: As a fellow Dunder Mifflin employee, I feel for you, but like you, I am completely powerless to the whims of the new building owner.
Jim: Which is you.

Owning a building is a war between the landlord and the tenant. Not a literal war, unfortunately, but I am using the same tactics.

The Office Quotes

Sometimes I'll start a sentence, and I don't even know where it's going. I just hope I find it along the way. Like an improv conversation. An improversation.

Michael

When I was in college I used to get wicked hammered. My nickname was Puke. I would chug a fifth of SoCo, sneak into a frat party, polish off a few people's empties, some brewskies, some Jell-O shots, do some body shots off myself, pass out, wake up the next morning, puke, rally, more SoCo, head to class. Probably would have gotten expelled if I had let it affect my grades, but I aced all my courses. They called me Ace. It was totally awesome. Got straight Bs. They called me Buzz.

Andy