Bert: What do you like? Tornados?
Dwight: Try influenza.

Dwight: I can get you exotic meats...hippo steaks, giraffe burgers.
Robert: We'll talk.
Dwight: It'll all be goat.

Jim: This is literally how they built the pyramids.
Dwight: Well they whipped people, which was helpful.

Jim: I mean I don't even know what I'd do with all that money.
Dwight: I know what you'd do with all that money. "Hey Pam, let's buy expensive bathrobes and hug."

Your friend Neil Patrick Harris really made me laugh the other night.

Pam, come on. Don't be such a right-sider.

Dwight: What's your daughter's name again? Pee Pee?
Jim: Pee Pa.

Bread is the paper of the food industry. You write your sandwich on it.

All in favor of the knapsack filled with canned goods, chainsaw, gasoline, and emergency radio in case he wakes post apocalypse...

Managing you for this last week has been the greatest honor of my life, and if you ruin this I will burn this office to the ground. And I mean that figuratively, not literall, because you guys are so, so important to me. I love you guys, but don't cross me, but you're the best.

Dwight: What did Andy's tie look like?
Erin: Navy blue. Little red anchors.

Pam: Why do you need to wear the holster at all?
Dwight: Why do you need to keep wearing those boobie shirts all the time?
Angela: Thank you.

The Office Quotes

Dwight: What is my perfect crime? I break into Tiffany's at midnight. Do I go for the vault? No, I go for the chandelier. It's priceless. As I'm taking it down, a woman catches me. She tells me to stop. It's her father's business. She's Tiffany. I say no. We make love all night. In the morning the cops come and I escape in one of their uniforms. I tell her to meet me in Mexico but I go to Canada. I don't trust her. Besides, I like the cold. Thirty years later, I get a postcard. I have a son and he's the chief of police. This is where the story gets interesting: I tell Tiffany to meet me in Paris, by the Trocadero. She's been waiting for me all these years; she's never taken another lover. I don't care, I don't show up. I go to Berlin. That's where I stashed the chandelier.

Guess what, I have flaws. What are they? Oh, I don't know. I sing in the shower. Sometimes I spend too much time volunteering. Occasionally I'll hit somebody with my car. So sue me... No, don't sue me. That is the opposite of the point that I'm trying to make.

Michael