(to Laurie) You look like you put your make-up in the floor and roll around in it.

Jules: What are you doing to me?
Ellie: I'm winding you up like a toy robot and letting you go.

Ellie: Sweetie, you need big Joe?
Jules: He'll never leave.

Trav: What's going on?
Ellie: You're Uncle Joe is dead, but you're allowed to start drinking.
Trav: Sounds like a plan.

Ellie: Imaginary hat.
Grayson: Imaginary clown nose.

Jules: What did he just say?
Laurie: Got me!
Ellie: Razzle dazzle.

Thanksgiving is not a sexy holiday.

Ellie: I want red.
Jules: No no white wine has less alcohol.
Grayson: Ohhh...thinking wine.

Stop trying to make this into an 80s movie montage.

Bye Grayson. Pageant wave.

Ellie: Really Bug Hookers?
Laurie: That's the title!

Ellie: It's your turn, best war story from your twenties.
Jules: Once when I was 22, I had a baby and I stayed home by myself raising him for the rest of my twenties. The end
Andy: Boo!

Cougar Town Quotes

Jules: You see that young gentleman there, I'd love to lick his body
Woman: That's my son
Jules: Ooh, he looks smart

Jules: When a 40-something guy gets divorced, it's always: "Way to go, Tiger!"
Grayson: We don't call each other Tiger. It's always Champ, or Samurai.