My inside voice is too quiet.

Dr. Rosen, I'm slamming my door!

Gary: No, that's what he is: a jerkass. It's good he fears me now.

His phone's at the office and it's broke, but he has the extended warranty so it's okay.

Mom, I'm at the office, and I'm fine; I don't have a chip in my head anymore. Bye.

Bill: Who's manning the fort?
Gary: It's not a fort Bill; it's a bad metaphor. Forts have round things and cannons.

You're drinking pills.

And one time he pushed me over instead of me taking a bullet.

You know America still makes a lot of cars, like that one, but that's terrible parking.

You're a signal bully it sucks.

Bill doesn't like being in jail, he likes putting people in jail. Two different things.

I know I'm amazing.

Alphas Quotes

If I fix it, I can get to drive the car.


Take this ticket and eat it. Take the carbon copy too.