Jess Mariano Quotes
Emily: The roast looks perfect. Oh Jess, do you eat meat? I forgot to ask you.
Jess: I'm a carnivore.
Emily: Good, I don't see how anybody could resist meat.
Jess: That's why we have teeth.
Emily: That's how I feel.
If a horse-drawn carriage shows up here, my throwing up will be eternal.
Clara: Is Jess your real name?
Jess: Yes.
Clara: Do you like it?
Jess: It's fine.
Clara: Would you rather be named Bill?
Jess: No.
Clara: Frank?
Jess: No.
Clara: Mike?
Jess: No.
Clara: Bob?
Jess: No.
Clara: Ed?
Jess: (to Dean) Does this belong to you?
Clara: Jess can't throw.
Jess: I can, too.
Clara: You missed every time.
Jess: I can't concentrate with your annoying midget voice yammering on and on. It's like having Stuart Little shoved in my ear.
Dean: What's the matter, Jess? Why you walking away?
Jess: It's getting a little West Side Story here, Dean, and I gotta warn you, my dancing skills are not up to snuff.
Luke: Shouldn't we say thanks first?
Jess: For what?
Luke: Well, that we're not Native Americans who got their land stolen in exchange for small pox infested blankets.
Lorelai: Amen.
Jimmy: When you left home, were the cops after you?
Jess: No.
Jimmy: No cause they shouldn't be, or no cause they haven't found the head yet?
Clara: Yes. Will you go get me a snow cone?
Jess: Absolutely. Go stand in the middle of the street and wait for me, I'll be right back.
Jess: I need ham.
Ceaser: No ham.
Jess: We got a shipment of ham yesterday!
Ceaser: No ham.
Jess: Ceasar, there is a lady over there that has been saying she wants ham for the last twenty minutes and if I go back there empty-handed, there is a fifty-fifty chance that she will eat me!
Ceaser: No ham!
Jess: Then sew some bacon together because that woman is getting ham!
Rory: What are you doing here?
Jess: I moved back.
Rory: What?
Jess: I moved back.
Rory: But...why?
Jess: Just...wanted to.
(Rory kisses Jess)
Rory: Oh my God!
Jess: Rory...
Rory: Don't say a word!
Jess: Okay.
Rory: (turns and begins to run away then looks back) Oh! Welcome home!
Man: Excuse me, I'm so sorry to bother you. Which way is 44th?
Rory: Oh, um, that way.
Man: Great, thanks.
Rory: I got asked directions.
Jess: I saw.
Rory: He took me for a native. That's so cool.
Jess: That's very impressive. Forty-fourth's the other way.
Rory: Do they allow hot dogs in the subway?
Jess: You are such an out-of-towner!
