Favorite Joey Tribbiani Quotes
Joey: Man, this is weird. Ever realize Cap'n Crunch's eyebrows are actually on his hat?
Chandler: That's what's weird? Joey, the man's been captain of a cereal for the last forty years.
Hey, that woman's got an ass like Carol's! What? Thought we were trying to find stuff.
Joey: Anybody want a cruller?
Phoebe: Okay, this is a typical lightning-bearer thing. Right there. It's like, "Hello. Who wants one of my phallic-shaped man-cakes?"
Joey: Who've you been dating?
Ross: (About Chandler's third nipple) So what's it shaped like?
Phoebe: Yeah, is there a hair on it?
Joey: What happens if you flick it?
Joey: Don't you have any respect for your body?
Ross: Don't you realize what you're doing to yourself?
Chandler: I've had it with you guys and your cancer, your emphysema and your heart disease. The bottom line is, smoking is cool, and you know it.
Chandler: (Coming off the phone) Okay! We have our stripper, a Miss Crystal Chandelier!
Joey: Well sure, if you name a kid that, what do you expect them to grow up to be?
Chandler: Don't you think if things were gonna happen with Rachel they would've happened already?
Ross: I'm telling you. She said she's looking for a relationship with someone exactly like me.
Joey: She really said that?
Ross: Well, I added the "exactly like me" part.
Monica: There's nothing to tell. Just some guy I work with.
Joey: Come on. You're going out with the guy. There got to be something wrong with him.
Chandler: Yeah... does he have a hump? A hump and a hairpiece?
Phoebe: (To Marcel) Goodbye little monkey guy. I wrote you this poem, okay, but don't eat it until you get on the plane.
Ross: Aw. Thank you, Aunt Phoebe.
Phoebe: Oh!
Chandler: Okay, bye, champ. Now, I know there's gonna be a lot of babes in San Diego, but remember, there's also a lot to learn.
Joey: I don't know what to say, Ross. It's a monkey.
Ross: Well, just say what you feel, Joey.
Joey: Marcel, I'm hungry.
Ross: That was good.
Rachel: (Holding a teddy bear) Marcel, this is for you. It's uh, just, you know, something to, um, do on the plane.
Ross: If you guys don't mind, I would like to take a moment just with just me and him.
Everyone: Of course. Absolutely.
Ross: Marcel, come here. Well buddy, this is it. Just a couple of things that I wanted to say. Well, I'm really gonna miss you. I'm never gonna forget about you. You've been more than just a pet to me. You've been more like a-- Marcel, would you just leave my leg alone? Would you just stop humping me for two seconds?! Would just take him away? Just take him.
Monica: (On the phone) Time is money, my friend! Whoo!
Rachel: "Time is money, my friend?"
Joey: Yeah, you missed, "Takes money to make money," and, "Don't make me come down there and kick your Wall Street butt."
Monica: Hey, I made $17 before breakfast. What have you done?
Joey: Well, I had breakfast here, so technically I just saved $3.50.
Joey: (While packing) Hey, you guys are still going to come visit me, right?
Ross: Oh yeah, you got the big TV. We'll be over there all the time... (Chandler gives him a look) except when we are here.
Phoebe: Can you see me operating a drill press?
Joey: I don't know. What are you wearing?
