Liz: Writers who never talk: you want a new job?

Liz: Maybe we can undid these handcuffs.
Tracy: Racist!

Our topical cold open is about Omarosa borrowing Bjork's swan dress.

[on Green Week] Oh brother. Are they really going to do something this year or just put that stupid green peacock in the corner of the screen?

[on her dinner plans] I do! I bought an Activia microwaveable panini!

[to Jack] Spit take. Are you serious?

My book is number 15 on the non-fiction bestseller list, behind The Founding Fathers Diet.

Liz: Do I look OK?
Cerie: That's exactly how you look.

Then who's going to host Top Chef? Aww, Jack you're ruining my life!

My mom used to send me articles about how older virgins are considered good luck in Mexico.

Pete: Happy?
Liz: No, not since I was a child.

You know my fontanelle never closed!