Luke Danes Quotes
(Luke & Lorelai are in the storage room, talking about Rachel)
Lorelai: Do you wanna know what I think about this situation?
Luke: No.
Lorelai: Are you sure?
Luke: Look, if you're gonna tell me at least help me unload.
Lorelai: Can I use the fun cutter thingy?
Luke: Not if you call it the fun cutter thingy.
Lorelai: Please.
Luke: Cut the box, not your hand.
Lorelai: Good tip, you should teach. (She cuts open one box) Ha! Fun!
Luke: Talk.
Lorelai: Well, I don't know exactly what's going on in Rachel's head because I'm not a Vulcan, but from the way she talks about you and the way she smiles when your name comes up, I'm pretty sure that she's serious about staying in Stars Hollow this time.
Luke: Yeah, let me guess. Rachel told you she wanted to put down roots, that she's serious this time, that she's tired of the road, and realizes what's lacking in her nomadic existence.
Lorelai: She didn't use the phrase "nomadic existence", but basically yes, that's what she said.
Luke: I've heard the speech. I know the speech by heart.
Lorelai: Well, I think she means it this time.
Luke: You don't know her like I do.
Lorelai: I don't. But she seems sincere.
Luke: How do you know?
Lorelai: Her nose didn't grow.
Luke: Why are you taking her side?
Lorelai: I'm not taking her side.
Luke: Well it sounds like you're taking her side.
Lorelai: Well, wash out your ears, I'm not taking her side.
Luke: I mean you're practically pushing her on me.
Lorelai: I just want you to be happy.
Luke: And you know what makes me happy?
Lorelai: No, I just know that you've been carrying a torch for her for a really long time.
Luke: I have not been carrying a torch for her.
Lorelai: Well, you wanted this to happen.
Luke: How do you know what I wanted to happen?
Lorelai: Didn't you?
Luke: Yeah, I guess.
Lorelai: Okay. So here it is, right in front of you. Just take it. Take the plunge. She could be ready. Just jump in and believe her. Unless, you know, there's some other reason you don't want to.
Luke: Like what?
Lorelai: Like I... I don't know.
Luke: There's no other reason.
Lorelai: Okay, well, fine. Then there's no other reason.
Lorelai: Oh well, uh, good morning sleeping beauty.
Luke: Yeah, well you know Rachel thought I looked a little tired.
Lorelai: No, it's good. You need a little break.
Luke: I guess.
Lorelai: You do. So she seems pretty comfortable here huh?
Luke: Yeah well she always could just fit in places you know. It's a talent of hers.
Lorelai: She looks good in your apron.
Luke: Yeah well, can I get you anything?
Lorelai: Oh, um, do you think you could make those really crazy chocolate chip pancakes and go extra heavy on the chocolate?
Luke: Yeah sure, any special occasion?
Lorelai: Dean broke up with Rory.
Luke: What?!
Lorelai: Keep it down, she doesn't want anybody to know about it.
Luke: Oh I knew it, I just knew that kid was trouble.
Lorelai: Yes you did, you knew it. Pancakes please.
Luke: Oh God, he's got a nerve. I mean what does he think he's gonna do better than Rory? Is he crazy? Jeez. Alright, well forget it ok. Good riddance, adios, bienvenidos, hasta la vista.
Lorelai: Could we get off the small world ride and start cooking please?
Luke: How is she?
Lorelai: She's been dumped by her first boyfriend.
Luke: Oh man, I swear I would love to... ok, I'm gonna put some whipped cream on the pancakes too.
Lorelai: Thank you Luke.
Lorelai: Hey, hey, hey, cut it out! Break it up! You back off! Come here! What do you think you're doing?!
Luke: He started it!
Lorelai: By doing what?
Luke: He was coming in.
Lorelai: Are you a lunatic! He's 16!
Luke: Well what was I supposed to do?!
Lorelai: Well stand in the middle of the street and have a slap fight of course! Come here!
Rory: (to Dean) Are you ok?
Dean: I'm fine.
Rory: Oh good, I don't know what got into Luke. He's usually so -
Dean: I have to go.
Rory: Oh sure, bye.
(Dean leaves, Lorelai grabs Luke as he wants to follow Dean)
Lorelai: Get inside now. Inside - now!
Luke: He started it.
(Luke spots Dean outside the diner and walks to him)
Luke: Stop right there.
Dean: What?
Luke: Where are you going?
Dean: To get coffee.
Luke: Wrong.
Dean: Excuse me?
Luke: You're not going in there buddy.
Dean: What are you talking about?
Luke: Turn around bag boy.
Dean: Are you serious?
Luke: Do you see a smile on my face?
Dean: No but what's different about that?
Luke: What's that supposed to mean?
Dean: It's just that you're not exactly known as the town crack up.
Luke: So you're a smart guy now, huh?
Dean: What are you doing?
Luke: Just exercising my right not to serve you.
Rachel: So since we're both being blunt, what's the deal with Lorelai?
Luke: What are you talking about?
Rachel: I'm talking about Lorelai, the lady who runs the inn, the one you've told me absolutely nothing about, and been very careful to leave out of every story, anecdote, or gossip about the town.
Luke: There is no deal with Lorelai. We're friends.
Rachel: For now?
Luke: Yes.
Rachel: And in the future?
Luke: Well, Lorelai is, she's just uhI don't know. I mean, at times it seems like, I don't know.
Lorelai: So, where's Rachel?
Luke: She's a founder's party punch junkie.
Lorelai: God, even the nice girls aren't safe.
Lorelai: I don't know what is wrong with me. This is a beautiful festival. People should be enjoying it.
Luke: It's a crazy festival based on a nutty myth about two lunatics who in all probability did not even exist and even if they did probably dropped dead of diphtheria before age 24. The town of Stars Hollow probably got its name from a local dance hall prostitute or two rich drunk guys who made up the story to make it look good on a poster.
Lorelai:: You are full of hate and loathing and I got tell you, I love it!
Luke: It's so good to have someone to share this hate with.
Lorelai: My pleasure.
Luke: More coffee?
Lorelai: Yeah, please. Hey, tomorrow, if you have time, I'm planning on despising everyone who says, "Hey, how's it going?"
Luke: You're on.
(A young woman walks in and greets Luke)
Woman: Hey, how's it going?
Lorelai: Oh, now, that's just too easy.
(Luke turns and sees that it's Rachel standing there)
Luke: Rachel?
Lorelai: (to Luke) Rachel? Your Rachel?
(Lorelai turns around to face her)
Lorelai: You're Rachel?
Rachel: Yep, I'm Rachel.
Luke: So, Rory was at the game today.
Lorelai: Oh, yeah.
Luke: Yeah, she was with some guy.
Lorelai: Dean.
Luke: No, I know that punk. Some older guy.
Lorelai: Oh. That would have been her dad.
Luke: Really? So he's....
Lorelai: The guy who impregnated me with Rory, yes.
Luke: Yeah. He did a good job.
Lorelai: Impregnating me with Rory?
Luke: Okay, this has taken a very weird turn.
Lorelai: Yeah. (Luke leaves quickly)
Luke: So, uh, where's the guy?
Lorelai: Oh he's gone.
Luke: Oh, too bad.
Lorelai: We'll be fine. Luke?
Luke: Yeah?
Lorelai: Um, can I make one more suggestion?
Luke: No.
Lorelai: Curtains?
Luke: No.
Lorelai: Manly curtains.
Luke: Oxymoron.
Lorelai: What did you call me? Luke: No curtains.
Lorelai: Aw come on. You gotta give a little. How about a tablecloth?
Luke:No. We don't do table cloths here.
Lorelai: Ok, how about this? I'll help you. I love to paint.
Luke: You do?
Lorelai: Yes, I do.
Luke: You love it?
Lorelai: I want to marry it.
Luke: You have strange passions.
Rory: She likes washing dishes too. She's multi-faceted abnormal.
(Lorelai is trying to convince Luke to paint the diner)
Lorelai: Come on. We'll drink a couple beers, we'll sing painting songs!
Luke: Painting songs?
Lorelai: Yeah, painting songs like, um, you know, the song that goes:
Grab your brush and grab your rollers, all you kids and all you bowlers - We're going paintin' today!
Say yes or there's another verse!
Luke: Well, I guess maybe if I had help.
Taylor: Really? Oh my God! That's wonderful! Hurrah!
Luke: Taylor, it's not for you, it's for me.
Taylor: I can't wait to tell the rest of the committee, they're not going to believe this!
Luke: I hate that he's pleased.
Lorelai: Ahh, you'll drop a gum wrapper on the street in front of his store later.
Luke: Yeah, good idea!
Luke: What the hell do you think you're wearing?
Lorelai: Uh, a hat.
Luke: Take that off.
Lorelai: What?
Luke: Now that is not yours, take it off.
Lorelai: But I'll have hat hair!
