Barney: Barney Stinson is back on the market. Mothers, lock up your daughters. Daughters, lock up your MILSWANCA's.
Marshall: MILSWANCA's?
Ted: Oh wait, I can get this. Mothers I'd Like to Sleep With and Never Call Again
Barney: Correct, circle gets a square

Victoria: I will tell you my most humiliating story.
Marshall: Yeah, Victoria! Way to step up.
Victoria: OK, it involves a game of Truth or Dare, a squeeze bottle of marshmallow ice cream topping, and the hot tub at my grandparent's retirement community.
Future Ted: ... Kids, I tell you a lot of inappropriate stories, but there's no way I'm telling you this one. Don't worry, it wasn't that great...
Marshall: That is the greatest story ever!

I used think family was a right, but it's a privilege, it needs to be earned.

Being in a couple is hard. And committing, making sacrifices, it's hard. But if it's the right person, then it's easy. Looking at that girl and knowing she's all you really want out of life, that should be the easiest things in the world. And if it's not like that, then she's not the one. I'm sorry

He is the manager of the Paramus Waldorf. You come to Paramus, we will hook you up!

Ted, I don't want to swear in front of Korean Elvis, but what the bleep are you doing, dude?

Lily: Marshall, your insurance doesn't kick in till tomorrow.
Marshall: Yeah well you know what? Life kicks in right now!

Marshall: Beer be with you...
Ted: And also with you.

Robin: He's not my boyfriend. He's just this guy I've been seeing for a couple of weeks.
Lily: Boyfriend.
Marshall: So why haven't we met him?
Robin: We're not really ready to go public yet.
Barney: Married

I think that sandwich was laced with other stuff...like hard meats.

This was bound to happen eventually. I've been trying so hard to suppress like my carefree idiot side that it just rebelled and came out swingin'.

Bow down to Beercules!

HIMYM Quotes

You are the love of my life. Everything I have and everything I am is yours. Forever.

Barney

Whatever you do in this life, it's not legendary, unless your friends are there to see it.

Barney