Marshall Eriksen Quotes
Marshall: Hi, we need a marriage license but we need to skip the waiting period because we're in love.
Clerk: Aaww..I'm gonna waive this waiting period right now!
Lily: Really!?
Clerk: Is what I would say if I could waive the waiting period but unfortunately only a judge can do that.
Lily: Oh, so can we see a judge?
Clerk: Absolutely!
Lily: Really?
Clerk: Is what I would say if there was any chance of you seeing a judge today, which there isn't.
Marshall: Why are you doing this to us?
Clerk: Because you're on ... Candid Camera!
Robin: Really?
Clerk: Is what I would say...
Marshall: You know what, we get it.
Do you still wanna? That's like the lamest proposal ever!
Lily: Oh my God! These pancakes are delicious!
Marshall: Yes! Thank you. I learned how to cook while you were gone this summer.
Lily: Wow! Do you want to cook dinner tonight?
Marshall: Yeah, sure...How about pancakes?
Barney: She's got the..'Crazy Eyes'.
Ted: Dude...the eyes...they're CRAZY.
Marshall: What are you guys talking about, the 'Crazy Eyes'?
Barney: It's a well-documented condition of the pupils, or pupi.
Ted: Nope, just pupils.
Barney: It's an indicator of future mental instability
Ted [commenting on Marshall's Pumpkin Latte joke]: Alright, there's only two reasons she'd laugh at that: one, it's the first joke she's ever heard, or two, she likes you! You should totally ask her out.
Marshall: You think?
Ted: Yea! That's why you're not back with Lily, right? So you can experience what it's like to be single.
Marshall: Well, what if the heart doesn't mean anything? What if she writes it on all the cups?
Ted: Mine says Ted. No heart.
Barney: Mine says S..Sw...Swarley. How'd they get "Swarley" from 'Barney'? Who would ever be called Swarley?
Ted: So I guess that decides it.
Marshall: Yep.
Barney: Hanging out at a coffee place: not nearly as much fun as hanging out at a bar.
Ted: ...Hey, what's that?
Marshall: What?
Ted: That cute coffee girl wrote a heart by your name! Somebody has a crush on you!
Barney: [in a sing-song voice as well] Somebody thinks you're me!
Ted: Marshall...you up for some super-loud repetitive music that hasn't changed since the mid-90's?
Marshall: Um...only always
Marshall: Well, all skyscrapers kinda look...like a...
Ted: Marshall, it's a 78 story pink marble tower with a rounded top and two spherical entryways at the front.
Marshall: Wow, so it's the whole package.
Barney: Ha ha ha! Yeah you did!
Marshall: Had to!
Barney: Oh, dude, if they're selling condos you gotta get me in. And don't give me the shaft.
Marshall: Yeah you did!
Barney: Had to!
Marshall: You know what dude, forget about Robin, okay? You're hanging with us tonight. I've got an awesome party lined up.
Barney: Oh, God. This gonna be another one of your weird all guy parties?
Marshall: That was a poker game, what is wrong with you? No, it's the first law school party of the year and it's gonna be awesome! I haven't seen these guys since like last year before Lily and I broke-up. Something I have to break to everybody. This party is gonna suck
Future Ted: You know, grandma and grandpa don't usually talk about thing that were uncomfortable, emotional, or an any way, real.
Lily: Hi Mr. and Mrs. Mosby. I was just stopping by to pick up some of my things.
Mrs. Mosby: Yes, we were so sorry to hear about your, you know the b... the b... well.
Marshall: Lily calling off the wedding and dumping me?
Lily: Me begging Marshall to take me back and him rejecting me?
Mrs. Mosby: I love your hair
Barney: Dude! You were awesome last night! You were charming, you were funny, you were totally working that girl!
Marshall: You went home with her!
Barney: Yes I did...
Barney: This is the moment I've been waiting for. Starting tonight, I am gonna teach you how to live. Ted, you had your chance. You're out, Marshall's in.
Ted: Yesss!
Marshall: Oh god...
Barney: Marshall, being a single guy in New York City is like ... What's something everybody likes?
Marshall: Candy...
Barney: Yes! It's like being in a candy store! You just walk right in and grab yourself some Whoppers! Yeah! ... Is Whoppers the best one?
Ted: Mounds.
Barney: Milk Duds.
Ted: Gobstoppers.
Barney: Um...
Future Ted: This went on for another hour. Ahhh, just skip to the end.
Ted: Dubble Bubbles!
Barney: Nice
