Pam: Dunder Mifflin, this is Pam.
Jim: [on his cell phone] Dunder Mifflin, this is Jim!

Pam: You've been watering down the soap?
Dwight: Why do you even need soap? Are you that bad at going to the bathroom?

I hate the idea that someone out there hates me. I even hate thinking that Al-Qaeda hates me. I think if they got to know me, they wouldn't hate me. But Karen knows me, and she still hates me, so...

I think an ordinary paper company like Dunder-Mifflin was a great subject for a documentary. There's a lot of beauty in ordinary things. Isn't that kind of the point?

Oscar and the warehouse guy! Go Oscar! Go gay warehouse guy!

Always the padawan, never the jedi.

Dwight

Yes, they're the only two gay guys I know. But they should be together.

Kelly: Get out of my nook, Dwight.
Pam: [heard on Jim's Bluetooth] THAT'S WHAT SHE SAID! THAT'S WHAT SHE SAID! THAT'S WHAT SHE SAID!

I know way too much about Andy's scrotum.

I am actually looking forward to Take Your Daughter to Work day. I am not great with kids, but I want to get better. Because I'm getting married. So I put out a bunch of extra candy on my desk so the kids will come talk to me. Like the witch in Hansel and Gretel.

Dwight: Through concentration, I can raise and lower my cholesterol at will.
Pam: Why would you want to raise your cholesterol?
Dwight: So I can lower it.

Michael: Actually, this would be good practice for your wedding toast.
Pam: Um, the bride doesn't... Have you ever been to a wedding?

The Office Quotes

Dwight: What is my perfect crime? I break into Tiffany's at midnight. Do I go for the vault? No, I go for the chandelier. It's priceless. As I'm taking it down, a woman catches me. She tells me to stop. It's her father's business. She's Tiffany. I say no. We make love all night. In the morning the cops come and I escape in one of their uniforms. I tell her to meet me in Mexico but I go to Canada. I don't trust her. Besides, I like the cold. Thirty years later, I get a postcard. I have a son and he's the chief of police. This is where the story gets interesting: I tell Tiffany to meet me in Paris, by the Trocadero. She's been waiting for me all these years; she's never taken another lover. I don't care, I don't show up. I go to Berlin. That's where I stashed the chandelier.

Guess what, I have flaws. What are they? Oh, I don't know. I sing in the shower. Sometimes I spend too much time volunteering. Occasionally I'll hit somebody with my car. So sue me... No, don't sue me. That is the opposite of the point that I'm trying to make.

Michael