Phoebe Buffay Quotes
Rachel: Now everything is just...
Phoebe: Floopy?
Rachel: Yeah.
Monica: Well, that's not just you. I mean, half the time we don't know what we're doing. You just have to hope that it will all come together and things will be... unfloopy.
Phoebe: Yeah, like that's a word.
Monica: Pheebs, do you have a plan?
Phoebe: I don't even have a "pla."
Ross: What is this?!
Chandler: I'm smoking. I'm smoking, I'm smoking.
Phoebe: Oh, I can't believe you! You've been so good, for three years.
Chandler: (Showing the cigarette) And this is my reward.
Ross: Hold on a second, all right? Just think about what you went through the last time you quit.
Chandler: Okay, so this time I won't quit.
Phoebe: It's not mine! If I kept it, it would be like stealing!
Rachel: Yeah, but if you spent it, it would be like shopping!
Ross: A thumb?
Phoebe: I know. I know. I opened it up, and there is was, just floating in there, like this tiny little hitch-hiker.
Chandler: Maybe it's a contest, you know, like, "collect all five."
Phoebe: There's five hundred extra dollars in my account.
Chandler: Oh, Satan's minions at work again...
Phoebe: The soda company gave me $7000 dollars for the thumb.
All: Wow.
Phoebe: Yeah, and on my way over here, I stepped in gum. What is up with the universe?!
Monica: Guys, we have to talk.
Phoebe: Wait. I'm getting a deja vu... No, I'm not.
Monica: All right, we have to talk.
Phoebe: There it is!
If I bought boots, whenever I walked I would hear, "Not mine, not mine, not mine." And when I was skipping, I would hear, "not-not mine, not-not mine, not-not mine."
Ross: Hey. Oh, oh, how'd it go?
Phoebe: Um, not so good. He walked me to the subway and said "We should do this again!"
All: Oh. Ouch.
Rachel: What? He said "We should do it again," that's good, right?
Monica: Uh, no. Loosely translated "We should do this again" means "You will never see me naked."
Rachel: Since when?
Joey: Since always. It's like dating language. Ya know, like, "It's not you" means "It is you."
Chandler: Or "You're such a nice guy" means "I'm gonna be dating leather-wearing alcoholics and complaining about them to you."
Phoebe: Or, or, ya know, um, "I think we should see other people" means "Ha, ha, I already am."
Phoebe: (Reading a letter) "Dear Ms. Buffay, Thank you for calling attention to our error. We have credited your account with five hundred dollars. We're sorry for the inconvenience, and hope you'll accept this football phone as our free gift." Do you believe this?! Now I have a thousand dollars, and a football phone!
Rachel: What bank is this?
All: (About Chandler smoking) Hey, come on, put it out.
Rachel: It's worse than the thumb.
Chandler: Hey, this is so unfair.
Monica: Why is it unfair?
Chandler: So I have a flaw! Big deal! Like Joey's constant knuckle cracking isn't annoying? And Ross with his over pronouncing every single word, and Monica with that snort when she laughs... I mean what the hell is that thing? I accept all those flaws why can't you accept me for this?
(Pause)
Joey: Does the knuckle cracking bother everybody or just him?
Rachel: Well, I would live without it.
Joey: Is it like, a little annoying or is it like when Phoebe chews her hair?
(Phoebe takes her hair out of her mouth.)
Ross: Don't listen to them Pheebs, I think it's endearing.
Joey: Oh you do, do you?
(Monica snorts loudly.)
Ross: There's nothing wrong with speaking correctly.
Rachel: Indeed there isn't. (Ross looks at Rachel) I should really be getting back to work.
Phoebe: Yeah, otherwise someone might get what they actually ordered.
Rachel: Oh, the hair comes out and the gloves come off.
(They all start shouting at each other, while Chandler walks away smoking happily.)
