Phyllis: Her hair looks beautiful.
Andy: Yeah we get it Phyllis. She looks like a freakin' movie star!

Oscar: It looks like the camera man was hiding behind the shelves.
Phyllis: Wait, so they were filming all the time even when we didn't know it?

Phyllis: What's he doing?
Dwight: He's searching out younger gays.

If I wanted Jamaican food I'd just hire a bunch of body guards and go there.

We have a gym at home. It's called the bedroom.

Phyllis: Is she Asian?
Erin: I don't know. She's from somewhere, I bet.

Creed: He put some snacks in the freezer for us.
Pam: You mean the frozen mice for the piranha?
Creed: No, the blueberry slurpy pouch.
Phyllis: He means the ice pack.

Andy: You know I'm the worst salesman here right?
Michael: But you're the best salesman on the inside.
Phyllis: What does that even mean?
Michael: You sold us all on Andy, a product that nobody wanted.

Blue Wasabi is so good but get the Cheeseburger. They say they won't do it, but they will if you make a scene.

I like being in the same building as Bob. It keeps me honest.

Phyllis: I got stung up my dress.
Dwight: Poor hornet.

I'm glad Michael's getting help. He has a lot of issues and he's stupid.

The Office Quotes

Dwight: What is my perfect crime? I break into Tiffany's at midnight. Do I go for the vault? No, I go for the chandelier. It's priceless. As I'm taking it down, a woman catches me. She tells me to stop. It's her father's business. She's Tiffany. I say no. We make love all night. In the morning the cops come and I escape in one of their uniforms. I tell her to meet me in Mexico but I go to Canada. I don't trust her. Besides, I like the cold. Thirty years later, I get a postcard. I have a son and he's the chief of police. This is where the story gets interesting: I tell Tiffany to meet me in Paris, by the Trocadero. She's been waiting for me all these years; she's never taken another lover. I don't care, I don't show up. I go to Berlin. That's where I stashed the chandelier.

Guess what, I have flaws. What are they? Oh, I don't know. I sing in the shower. Sometimes I spend too much time volunteering. Occasionally I'll hit somebody with my car. So sue me... No, don't sue me. That is the opposite of the point that I'm trying to make.

Michael