Favorite Ted Mosby Quotes
Ted: You're not... Moby, are you?
Bald Guy: Who?
Ted: Moby... The recording artist, Moby.
Bald Guy: Oh, no.
Ted: But when we said "Hey, Moby" you said "Yeah".
Bald Guy: Oh, I thought you said Tony.
Ted: So your name's Tony?
Bald Guy: No
Ted: I mean, you got used to Lily's loud chewing, right?
Marshall:... Lily doesn't chew loudly.
Ted: Dude. This isn't news. Why do you think I call her Chewbacca?
Marshall: I suspect because she's loyal, wears shiny belts, and I resemble a young Harrison Ford
Marshall: Ted, Karen's a douche.
Ted: Wow, thanks for sugar-coating it.
Marshall: "Douche" is sugar-coating it
Robin: I know what they were fighting about and it wasn't peanut butter.
Ted: I appreciate it, but there's a reason your name is Robin, not Batman.
Robin: They were fighting because they didn't get the loan and it's all Lily's fault.
Ted: What?
Robin: Yeah, she has a pile of debt the size of Mount... Rushmore.
Ted: You know how everyone has that guy or girl that no matter what happens, you know will be perfect for you.
Marshall: Lily.
Robin: Mike Shacks.
Barney: That girl over there.
It's funny sometimes you walk into a place and you know you're exactly where you're supposed to be.
Barney: Is the aggregate age of all participants under 83?
Ted: Yes.
Barney: Is the aggregate weight of all participants under 400 pounds?
Ted: Yes.
Barney: Theodore Mosby... are you paying these women?
Ted: What? No!
Ted: I wound up shame-eating the whole pizza. I woke up all greasy and sweaty. My sheets looked like what they wrap Deli sandwiches in. Maybe I should join a gym. Do you go to a gym?
Barney: Well, I go to Total Rip Fitness. But I don't work out there.
Ted: What do you do?
Barney: I invest
Lily: You know who might have something to say about Ted's future with Robin? Robin. Go wake her up.
Ted: Wake her up and say what?
Barney: Daddy's home
Hey, it's me again. Look, who are we kidding? You and I are both attracted to each other. We're young, we're drunk, half of us anyway. And we only get one life, so why don't you come over to my apartment and we'll think of something stupid to do together?
Robin: I'm going to Orlando for a week on Friday. Some guy is attempting to make the world's biggest pancake. Guess who's covering it?
Ted: That's gonna' take a week?
Robin: Yeah, he's gonna eat it too. It's another record.
Barney: I've got five tickets to Robots vs. Wrestlers!
Ted: That is awesome!
Barney: You've heard of Robots vs. Wrestlers?
Marshall: Not at all!
Ted: But we're assuming it's some sort of sporting event putting robots ... against wrestlers!
Barney: That's exactly what it is!
