Popular Ted Mosby Quotes
[at a really loud club...]
Ted: So, how do you know Robin?
Kelly: Sagittarius!
Ted: Is that near Westchester?
Kelly: I would love one! Just a beer!
Ted: These strategies ever work for you?
Barney: The question is: Do these strategies ever NOT work for me? Either way the answer is about half the time
Barney: Ted, get your coat we're leaving.
Ted: What happened to the cute broad you were grinding with?
Barney: Promise not to tell anyone ever in your life? Ever? This can't be one of those stories...'funny time this one time Barney was...' none of that. Promise?
[Ted Nods]
Barney [whispers]: That was my cousin Leslie
Lily: We are so gonna win the costume contest this year.
Marshall: First prize, $50 gift certificate at the bar.
Ted: And how much did you pay for your costumes?
Marshall: $100
Lily: Each
Barney: Every Halloween, I bring a spare costume in case I strike out with the hottest girl at the party. That way I have a second chance to make a first impression. What's with the face?
Ted: It's half you're pathetic, half I have to pee
Ted: Come on, Barney, this is not about the odds, this is about believing. This girl, she represents something to me, I don't know, hope.
Barney: Wow. I did not understand a word you just said
Robin: I never played any team sports
Ted: Are we playing "I never" cause there's nothing left but peach schnapps
Robin: Well, what if I'm just a cold person? Tonight, Mike was willing to look like a complete idiot for me, but I couldn't be Gretel. Why can't I be Gretel?
Ted: Because you just haven't met the right Hansel yet. One day you're gonna meet a guy who's gonna make you want to look like a complete idiot
Robin: How do you do this Ted? How do sit out here all night, in the cold, and still have faith that your pumpkin's going to show up?
Ted: Well, I'm pretty drunk. Look I know the odds are, the love of my life isn't going to magically walk through that door in a pumpkin costume at 2:43 in the morning. But it just seems as nice a spot as any to just ... you know, sit and wait
Barney: Okay, I'm leaving. But just know, this Victoria's Secret party is on a yacht! And what will be sticking to that yacht? The Barnicle!
Ted: Really? That's the nickname now?
[Barney and Ted discuss Halloween plans as Ted is dressed as a Hanging Chad...]
Barney: Okay, here's the plan, and I crap you not. I am getting us into the Victoria's Secret Halloween party. Trust me, by the end of the night, your chad will not be hanging.
Ted: We can get rejected by supermodels any day of the year. Tonight, I'm gonna go up tp the roof, I'm gonna have a few beers, I'm gonna wait for the slutty pumpkin. It's just what I do.
Barney: Lesson one, lose the goatee, it doesn't go with your suit.
Ted: I'm not wearing a suit.
Barney: Lesson two, get a suit. Suits are cool, exhibit A. [points to his own suit] Lesson three, don't even think about getting married til you're thirty.
