Dr. Reid: You know statistically, widowed men start dating much faster than females, but Hotch is refuting the data. It's been two years and nineteen days.
Garcia: Venus has aligned with Mars which means love is in the air and maybe we will have weekends off.
Agent Morgan: (clearing throat).
Garcia: What? Is he standing there? He's standing there isn't he?
Hotch: Hello Garcia.

Agent Rossi: Is she cute?
Agent Hotchner: Yes, she is but I need to be focused on my training. I don't need to be distracted.
Rossi: Yes, you should be. Distracted is good. What's her name?
Hotch: Beth.
Rossi: I like it. And, you know what they say about riding a bicycle.
Dr. Reid: Who's getting a bicycle?
Hotch: Nobody.

Kim: Does that mean no more sexy Easter bunny?
Schmidt: No sexy Easter bunny.
Kim: What about cinco de Sexy?
Schmidt: No cinco de Sexy.
Kim: And no sexy Martin Luther King?
Schmidt: I can never get the voice. I never felt I had the authority.

Schmidt: Kim, I'm not gonna be sexy Santa anymore. It's over. Santa's dead. I killed him.
Evan: Aaaaaaah!

Jess: Why are you guys hugging?
Nick: Just Guy Talking.
Paul: About uh, how moved we are about jazz music.
Nick: That's a lie. I told him you didn't love him.
Jess: What?!
Paul: But he said it nicely!

Nick: Has Jess not talked to you?
Paul: Oh yea, we've talked.
Nick: It's hard, it's really tricky. It's like, she's doesn't love you right, Paul that's not to say she might not fall in love with you later.
Paul. We talked about how we might have to drive you to the airport cause you're gonna miss your flight.
Nick: Yea, that's probably all you talked about so I'm joking.

Paul: No it's great I love it! It's funny, and quirky and so sweet. It's like you. And that's why I love it. I love it! Thank you. I love it...I love you.
Jess: ...Thank you...
Paul: ...You're welcome.
Jess: No, you're welcome.

Schmidt: I hope you appreciate that I have kept eye contact with you the whole time and have made to reference to the fact that you are basically naked.
Cece: Very proud of you Schmidt.

Jess: My initial thought was to get him a gift certificate for piping hot sex. But I don't want him to think I'm using him for his body.
Nick: Oh, I'm sure he'd be ok with that.

Schmidt: Marry Christmas, Brendan, don't swallow these. Love, Uncle Nick?
Nick: It's a great gift. He's a twelve-year old kid. He's gonna love them.

I can't believe Jess got me roller-blades for Christmas. I feel so freeee!

Winston

Alvin: The man with no shirt killed Santa.
Winston: Oh, you mean Schmidt? He was just dressing up like Santa.
Alvin: Then why isn't he wearing a shirt?
Winston: You know, we ask ourselves that question every single day.
Alvin: Is it because he's a d-bag? Mommy says he's a d-bag.