When you fake smile, everybody else fake smiles back.

Han

It's normal to be screwed up. It's not normal to romanticize it.

House

Patient: Now I have swollen ankles!
House: The medical term is cankles.

[To Foreman} That'd be redundant. I've got an angry black guy waiting for me to drop the soap right here.

House

[To a clinic patient] As much as I'd like to kill you, murder violates my parole.

House

[After describing Chase's upbringing] He's also dreamy, but that's not relevant now.

House

If we're together long enough I hope that one day you see yourself like I do.

Kevin

Uh lets see, suits, laser tag, I say "wait for it" a lot, that's pretty much it.

Barney

Robin: I'm such a mess. Why do you even like me?
Barney: I guess cause you're almost as messed up as I am.

Barney: What's that saying about two wrongs making a right?
Robin: Two wrongs don't make a right?
Barney: No that's not it.

Hey dude fork over those nachos...

Marshall

I think that sandwich was laced with other stuff...like hard meats.

Marshall